IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

A family has a great influence on children's development, but the outside of home plays a bigger role in it. Do you agree or disagree?

#influence #children #development #home #role
It has been a debatable topic in recent times, whether family or pears is dominating one's development, especially adults. Because of
this
, some people think that it will develop anti-social behaviour in
Children
.
However
, both family, as well as friends, play an important role in a child's life to enhance their wisdom. And I partially agree with
this
 opinion. Let's begin by taking at the influence of parents on
children
, most of the family members are trying to pressurize their kid's by setting goals and comparing their results with others,
this
 makes them feel low and leads to loose self-confidence.
For instance
, since my childhood, I had dreamed of becoming a pilot,
However
, my mother forced me to change my passion and now I have a degree in electrical engineering. Self-esteem is very important in
Children
's lives to chase and achieve everyone's dream. Turning to the other side of the argument, the influence of peers on
children
 can lead to bad behaviour. In present days, we are witnessing most
children
 being misled and misguided by their buddies to do things forcefully.
This
 will kill one's knowledge, wisdom, and self-decision-making skills and sometimes make them like a puppet. An empty mind is a devil's workshop,
This
 kind of attitude may lead to becoming rebels. In a nutshell,
Children
's are the
Next
 Generation of a nation.
Children
 need correct guidance, support, and motivation to reach goals. A sound mind lives in a sound body, so it's our responsibility to correct their mistakes and make sure to follow and achieve their goals.
Submitted by KUSHAL.GOVARDHAN on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: