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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals

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Some people argue that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are harmful and should no longer exist while others say that
zoos
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 are safe places for wild lives.
Animals
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 might be treated badly, surrounded with awful environments, and even worse there might be animal
abuse
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 at the
zoos
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, while in some cases
zoos
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 are safe places for many species because
zoos
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 can protect them from any dangers, safe from extinction, and
also
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 close to vet. I believe that the problem of poor environment and animal
abuse
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 in
zoos
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 should be solved to give
animals
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 a better life.
Animals
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 might be treated badly, surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 awful environments, and even worse there might be animal
abuse
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 at the zoo,
First
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 of all, many wild lives at
zoos
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 are not being treated well, and some of them are forced to live in limited space.
In addition
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, some of them may look underweight because they are not well fed as well as they should.
For instance
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, some
animals
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 did not feed for a week which made them sick and hungry from not having anything in their stomach.
Also
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, the
zoos
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 provide small areas for wild lives, which could lead to many mental and physical health problems
such
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 as depression and being inactive.
In contrast
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, some advantages for
animals
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 that live in the wildlife park are safety and lowering extinction rates. Since the zoo is a public place, any situation that would be dangerous for them will have a low opportunity to happen.
Additionally
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, many zookeepers and staff watch over when
animals
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 feel sick. They will get treated by the vet on time.
Lastly
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, since
zoos
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 often separate species and do not have many of them in one area,
this
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 helps them to be safe from extinction that might have accidentally happened. In conclusion, there are more disadvantages than advantages for
animals
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 that live most of their life in
zoos
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 because of the tiny space
zoos
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 provided, some places might take care of them badly, and animal
abuse
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 often happens.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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