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Band 6.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals

#people #zoos #animals
Some people argue that
zoos
 are harmful and should no longer exist while others say that
zoos
 are safe places for wild lives.
Animals
 might be treated badly, surrounded with awful environments, and even worse there might be animal
abuse
 at the
zoos
, while in some cases
zoos
 are safe places for many species because
zoos
 can protect them from any dangers, safe from extinction, and
also
 close to vet. I believe that the problem of poor environment and animal
abuse
 in
zoos
 should be solved to give
animals
 a better life.
Animals
 might be treated badly, surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 awful environments, and even worse there might be animal
abuse
 at the zoo,
First
 of all, many wild lives at
zoos
 are not being treated well, and some of them are forced to live in limited space.
In addition
, some of them may look underweight because they are not well fed as well as they should.
For instance
, some
animals
 did not feed for a week which made them sick and hungry from not having anything in their stomach.
Also
, the
zoos
 provide small areas for wild lives, which could lead to many mental and physical health problems
such
 as depression and being inactive.
In contrast
, some advantages for
animals
 that live in the wildlife park are safety and lowering extinction rates. Since the zoo is a public place, any situation that would be dangerous for them will have a low opportunity to happen.
Additionally
, many zookeepers and staff watch over when
animals
 feel sick. They will get treated by the vet on time.
Lastly
, since
zoos
 often separate species and do not have many of them in one area,
this
 helps them to be safe from extinction that might have accidentally happened. In conclusion, there are more disadvantages than advantages for
animals
 that live most of their life in
zoos
 because of the tiny space
zoos
 provided, some places might take care of them badly, and animal
abuse
 often happens.
Submitted by v.chemnasiri on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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