IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
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Some individuals believe that the
government
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 should provide creative
artists
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 like painters and musicians with financial
support
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. I personally disagree with
this
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 viewpoint because
while
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 financial
support
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 given by the
government
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 provides
artists
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 with extra income, the
artists
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 should be funded by other
sources
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 because it is adequate for them, and the
government
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 should invest that
money
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 in other sectors. If the
government
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 provides financial
support
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 to creative
artists
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, it will allow them to have some extra income.
Although
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 creative
artists
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 like painters and musicians earn a lot by selling their paintings or concert tickets, they can earn some extra financial
support
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 from the
government
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 to meet their needs.
For example
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, painters in Bangladesh get some monthly financial
support
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 from the
government
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 and they use that
money
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 to go on vacations.
However
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, I personally believe that the
money
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 they earn is adequate for their living.
Artists
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 should be provided with
money
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 from alternative
sources
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 because they are adequate for them. There are some alternative
sources
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 for the
artists
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 funded by the general public.
Artists
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 should be funded from that and it is enough for their survival.
Moreover
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, the
government
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 should utilize that
money
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 for other important sectors. Funding is required to improve the infrastructure of a country, and
therefore
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, the
government
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 should utilize that in those sectors.
For example
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, in India,
artists
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 are provided with
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 from a public donation sector and the
government
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 prioritizes improving the healthcare sector. In conclusion, I personally believe that
although
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government
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 funding provides
artists
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 with some extra
support
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,
artists
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 should be provided with funding from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative
sources
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 and it is adequate for them.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
Consider providing a more thorough analysis of both perspectives before clearly stating your own opinion to ensure a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a clearer and more logical flow between your ideas. Some transitions could benefit from smoother connections.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a well-stated conclusion, which help in contextualizing your opinion.
task achievement
Nice use of a relevant example about artists in India, which adds credibility to your point about alternative funding sources.
task achievement
The main points are well-presented and supported, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
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