Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals believe that the
government
should provide creative
artists
like painters and musicians with financial
support
. I personally disagree with
this
viewpoint because
while
financial
support
given by the
government
provides
artists
with extra income, the
artists
should be funded by other
sources
because it is adequate for them, and the
government
should invest that
money
in other sectors. If the
government
provides financial
support
to creative
artists
, it will allow them to have some extra income.
Although
creative
artists
like painters and musicians earn a lot by selling their paintings or concert tickets, they can earn some extra financial
support
from the
government
to meet their needs.
For example
, painters in Bangladesh get some monthly financial
support
from the
government
and they use that
money
to go on vacations.
However
, I personally believe that the
money
they earn is adequate for their living.
Artists
should be provided with
money
from alternative
sources
because they are adequate for them. There are some alternative
sources
for the
artists
funded by the general public.
Artists
should be funded from that and it is enough for their survival.
Moreover
, the
government
should utilize that
money
for other important sectors. Funding is required to improve the infrastructure of a country, and
therefore
, the
government
should utilize that in those sectors.
For example
, in India,
artists
are provided with
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
from a public donation sector and the
government
prioritizes improving the healthcare sector. In conclusion, I personally believe that
although
government
funding provides
artists
with some extra
support
,
artists
should be provided with funding from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative
sources
and it is adequate for them.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Consider providing a more thorough analysis of both perspectives before clearly stating your own opinion to ensure a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a clearer and more logical flow between your ideas. Some transitions could benefit from smoother connections.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a well-stated conclusion, which help in contextualizing your opinion.
task achievement
Nice use of a relevant example about artists in India, which adds credibility to your point about alternative funding sources.
task achievement
The main points are well-presented and supported, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: