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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries old people are highly valued and in other countries the young are considered to be more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Or Some cultures value old age while others value young age. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is well known that to build a society, you need disciplined and qualified
people
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. It is argued by many that senior
people
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 have more value in doing so,
while
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 others believe that young
people
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 are more important. The two sides of
this
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 argument will be thoroughly analysed and discussed in
this
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 essay before drawing a reasoned conclusion. On the one hand, old
people
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 have seen more life.
As a result
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 of
this
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, they have a deeper understanding of the world's problems and are more capable of making judicious decisions.
For example
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, almost all world leaders are in their sixties or seventies. They are chosen leaders for their ability to handle situations with more maturity. All over the world,
people
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 who occupy higher positions aren’t exactly young.
On the other hand
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,
it is clear that
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 youngsters have more energy and enthusiasm. Most
people
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 at a young age are considered to be more productive and efficient.
In contrast
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,
due to
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 old age, many have trouble remembering things or making sound decisions. Unfortunately,
this
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 is an inevitable part of the process of ageing.
For instance
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, most tech giants are investing more and more in young talents, because they think that they have the potential to lead the innovation in the future. In conclusion, elderly
people
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 have wisdom and experience, but they lack energy and productivity.
After
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this
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 scrupulous analysis, I believe that no society can progress without the enthusiasm of its youngsters and the guidance of their aged counterparts. With each other, they will be able to work wonders.

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Task Response
Expand on the differences between how cultures value different age groups with more specific examples from various countries.
Task Response
Make sure the examples used are directly connected to the main points to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction is very clear and outlines the main points you will discuss, setting up your essay well.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both points of view regarding valuing the old and young in society.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes and unites the essay's arguments, offering a dual perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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