Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Spending
time
with friends or alone is totally a personal choice,there are two main views on this
subject one group
believes that younglings and children
should spend their free time
in team activities,while
others think it is better to pass their time
alone,In this
essay ,I will discuss both views and according to
my opinion ,being involved in group
activities has numerous and countless benefits.
On the one hand, first and foremost,children
managing leisure time
by themselves have some pros,in more detail,it helps them to improve self-confidence, self-control,independence and time
management skills,hence
,it is useful and beneficial for them when they have to stay alone and want to decide in many substantial and significant personal affairs,in addition
,while
kids and children
are doing and spending on their hobbies and entertainments they can find their interests as a result
,they feel more delightful and happier compared to that time
when they are in group
participation ,For instance
:some young people who like to a musician can concentrate their proficiency in their idle time
,thus
they may become a talented artist in the future.
On the other hand
,It is evident that more important for children
to be members of an organisation in their leisure time
.Firstly
,group
work teaches them collaboration, leadership and communication skills which do wonders for their personal development in their adult lives,Secondly
, social organizations such
as helping to needy and charities activities do advantages for society ,Finally
,these processes keep them occupied,and they are not contaminated to drug abuse or sticking to smartphones all day.
In conclusion, I can understand why some parents give the right for kids to use their vain moments, but it seems to me that teamwork is more advantageousSubmitted by pardisghobadi on
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coherence cohesion
Try to use clearer paragraph breaks to easily distinguish between the different views being discussed. This improves the readability and flow of your essay.
task achievement
Use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures. While your ideas are well-presented, varying your language will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to back up your arguments. Specific examples are very effective in illustrating your points and strengthening your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You've addressed both sides of the argument and provided a balanced view before giving your own opinion, which captures the task’s requirements well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.