IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#air #travel #benefit #people #world #advantage #development
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In
this
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 day and age, there is a common belief that air
travel
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 is only readily accessible to the rich,
while
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 the advancement of air
travel
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 will not benefit those who are less well-off. From my perspective, even though
this
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 standpoint might be justifiable to a certain extent, I firmly oppose
this
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 idea. In terms of passengers, the less well-off people can still gain benefits from air
travel
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. In the past, only the affluent and businessmen could
travel
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 for work, be that as it may, in recent years, the rest of the population vs the wealthiest can afford high-quality services on the plane at a reasonable price as the rich.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is because the economy facilitates travelling domestically.Another example is that travelling domestically by plane only takes them a maximum of 3 hours,
opposed
Correct word choice
as opposed
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 to, the train taking them at least 10 hours.
Thus
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, they can
travel
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 faster, more conveniently, let alone more affordable, which can lead to the fact that they can
travel
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 to more places . With regard to local people in tourist destinations, travelling still brings benefits for locals. The airline industry can create employment prospects for lots of locals,
such
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 as tour guides, waiters, room service, street food vendors,
handicraft
Correct word choice
and handicraft
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 artisans, by means of the advancement of travelling.
Accordingly
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, aviation can boost the economy so the living standards can be higher.
For instance
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, In Dalat, thanks to the recent proliferation of travelling, lots of unemployed locals are able to have well-paid jobs.
Thus
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, society can benefit from it. The conclusion to be drawn is that
although
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 the former standpoint might be justifiable to a certain extent, as important as it may seem, the latter should not be overlooked and underestimated.
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task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by recognizing the potential benefits of air travel for ordinary people. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the disadvantages and fails to present a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported, but some ideas may be presented in a confusing manner, and there is room for improvement in linking words and sentence transitions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessible
  • democratised
  • low-cost carriers
  • budget airlines
  • globalization
  • international trade
  • luxury experiences
  • affordable flights
  • cultural exchange
  • environmental impact
  • eco-friendly
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