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Band 6

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#air #travel #benefit #people #world #advantage #development
In
this
 day and age, there is a common belief that air
travel
 is only readily accessible to the rich,
while
 the advancement of air
travel
 will not benefit those who are less well-off. From my perspective, even though
this
 standpoint might be justifiable to a certain extent, I firmly oppose
this
 idea. In terms of passengers, the less well-off people can still gain benefits from air
travel
. In the past, only the affluent and businessmen could
travel
 for work, be that as it may, in recent years, the rest of the population vs the wealthiest can afford high-quality services on the plane at a reasonable price as the rich.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because the economy facilitates travelling domestically.Another example is that travelling domestically by plane only takes them a maximum of 3 hours,
opposed
Correct word choice
as opposed
show examples
 to, the train taking them at least 10 hours.
Thus
, they can
travel
 faster, more conveniently, let alone more affordable, which can lead to the fact that they can
travel
 to more places . With regard to local people in tourist destinations, travelling still brings benefits for locals. The airline industry can create employment prospects for lots of locals,
such
 as tour guides, waiters, room service, street food vendors,
handicraft
Correct word choice
and handicraft
show examples
 artisans, by means of the advancement of travelling.
Accordingly
, aviation can boost the economy so the living standards can be higher.
For instance
, In Dalat, thanks to the recent proliferation of travelling, lots of unemployed locals are able to have well-paid jobs.
Thus
, society can benefit from it. The conclusion to be drawn is that
although
 the former standpoint might be justifiable to a certain extent, as important as it may seem, the latter should not be overlooked and underestimated.
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task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by recognizing the potential benefits of air travel for ordinary people. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the disadvantages and fails to present a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported, but some ideas may be presented in a confusing manner, and there is room for improvement in linking words and sentence transitions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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