IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that young generation should follow traditions of their society; others, however, believe that young people should be free to make their own choice as individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #generation #traditions #society #choice #individuals
It's common thought between some
people
 that, nowadays children and teenagers should accept the culture and
tradition
 of their society, while other populations believe that, the new generation should have the freedom to make their
decision
 and
choice
 as an independent person. To pursue my opinion, I totally agree with the
second
 bunch of
people
 who believes, that teens should be free to make their own
decision
 and
choice
 as individuals.
Firstly
, when we are growing up we are gaining knowledge and experience,
therefore
 everyone can make their
decision
 accurately based on their own believes and experiences. We have to demolish the idea, in which, we have to force our custom on youngers.
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
show examples
 by forcing our
tradition
 and culture we are taking away an option from teens to build their own experience and invention.
Moreover
, as an adult, we have the right to make our
choice
 as independent
people
.
Secondly
, in
this
 world, we have to search and study to know what is right, and what is wrong. So, there is no need to follow our social
tradition
 and culture. As an
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
adult if we just follow the existing
tradition
 we can't create new ideas and we will blindly follow other
people
 steps. Living according to our own
choice
 will teach us to take responsibility for whatever we are doing,
hence
, that can help us to increase our self-confidence and trust. That would be
such
 a nice idea to have the freedom to make our life the way we want. To sum up the topic, according to human rights everyone can live the way they want as long as they are not making a problem for others.
Therefore
 everyone can make their
decision
 and
choice
 on their own without any force to follow the previous
tradition
.
Submitted by noorinahakimi5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: