Some people think it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?
Big corporations amount to a major chunk in percentages of noise, air and water population in cities. Some believe that it is better if they
relocated
to smaller towns. In my opinion, the benefits of transitioning to smaller villages/towns do not outweigh the negatives.
To start off, it is widely known that major industries are the biggest threat to the echo system with concerns ranging from causing pollution to dumping waste in water bodies. Wrong verb form
relocate
For instance
, a biscuit factory in Hyderabad is known for unlawfully dumping waste into the lake causing contamination and eliminating what was left of the marine life in the lake. For
this
reason, a popular suggestion was made, where some people believed that moving these big companies into regional areas
would help. In theory, this
is a brilliant idea! The lesser
the companies in cities, the Correct word choice
fewer
lesser
the problems to deal withCorrect word choice
fewer
it
.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
, this
means the introduction of these big corporations into the areas
where there is considerable greenery and water bodies that are rich in life. With lenient sanctions, it is very much likely that, more damage to the environment is caused as a direct result of this
transition. Therefore
, it is not a great move to go through with it.
Finally
, moving the big corporations to rural areas
is a great plan in theory only but when we consider the imminent impacts it has on these areas
, it is a move where the merits do not outweigh the demerits especially if the sanctions on these bigger industries are lenient.Submitted by ramanandar4 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction lacks clarity and does not effectively set the context for your argument. Try to introduce the topic more clearly and provide a strong thesis statement.
Task Achievement
You have provided a well-supported argument with relevant examples and clear ideas. Ensure that you continue to support your points with specific details and examples to strengthen your response.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite