IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think it is better to spend and enjoy their money once they earn it. Others think it is better to save their money and enjoy it in the future. Which stand do you agree with and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#people #money #future #support
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In today's consumer society, a lot of
people
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 are exposed to minor satisfactions, living their seize day rather than retaining a somehow part of the revenue for future expenses. I profoundly give credit to the auspicious idea of keeping earned
money
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 for later owing to weather
further
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 regrets if a person purchased the product, relying on their emotions or to keep some
money
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 for a financial safety net.
To begin
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 with, ill-considered purchases are the ubiquitous aspect of our contemporary life, driven by advertisement. Correspondingly, nowadays realm of marketing is well-advanced and managers will do whatever it takes to force a community to buy not indispensable stuff.
For instance
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, TV-shops is still viral in plenty of countries,
such
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 as Russia. They can grant and convince
people
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 to have absolutely useless things by manifesting it from only the bright side.
This
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 is the reason why many individuals become victims and make hurried decisions to buy something. Another noteworthy virtue of saving funds on later occasions is keeping
money
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 for a rainy day.
Furthermore
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, a certain percentage of mankind who do that will be locked and loaded to any serendipity, coming across them. The alluring sample of it is a bunch of financial books that are able to preserve
people
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's
money
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 on themselves. Brian Tracy's book called "The Master of Time", provides substantial materials for time management, alongside enhancing and saving their budget. To recap the aforementioned, I firmly believe that the merger of my ideas was justified, including relevant examples to evolve
people
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's mindsets to the better side.
In addition
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,
whereas
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 some
people
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 can spend their
money
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 on useless things that big companies are interested in, a rational proportion of humankind can rely on themselves and not pass the buck.
Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, work on refining the clarity of your ideas to improve coherence.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could be more specific and detailed to support your points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic well and presents a clear stance.
task achievement
You provided a solid argument for saving money, complete with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure is effective, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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