IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments give lots of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In modern society, it is commonly argued
that
Change preposition
whether
show examples
 supporting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
Use synonyms
 by the government is good or not. But in my strong point of view
helping
Punctuation problem
, helping
show examples
 the
artists
Use synonyms
 can be a great approach for stats. On the one hand, there are many people in the world who
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments should not intervene or make exceptions for any
artists
Use synonyms
 and help them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they believe that there is
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
any
Correct determiner usage
no
show examples
 difference between
artists
Use synonyms
 and others
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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health care
Use the right word
healthcare
show examples
 members. So if there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 helping
programs
Punctuation problem
programs,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be for every part of society. Some of them
also
Linking Words
 think that art should be for leisure time or any extra time
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
artists
Use synonyms
 must have a real job for a living and do their arts in their free time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a common idea between some people and the politicians that all kinds of
artists
Use synonyms
 should
support
Wrong verb form
be supported
show examples
 by the government
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have many reasons for their belief. First of all, most of them
are agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 that
artists
Use synonyms
 represent our cultures and they are the most important members of our society who can save or even improve every cultural drawback.
For instance
Linking Words
, we witnessed that the
feministic
Replace the word
feminist
show examples
 movements thrive by influencers like musicians
efforts
Check wording
apply
show examples
. In the second place, there are many valid articles that have shown us
those
Correct word choice
that those
show examples
 countries with higher expenditure for supporting
artists
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have happier people with higher satisfaction
of
Change preposition
with
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 their lives.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there are controversial perspectives about the role of governments in helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
Use synonyms
.But I completely agreed with the idea that supporting
artists
Use synonyms
 is mandatory for politicians.

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task
Plan your essay. In the first sentence tell your view and keep it to the end.
coherence
Use simple joins to show how ideas go from one to the next.
content
Give clear reasons and one good example for each side.
language
Fix grammar and use short, plain sentences.
structure
The essay shows both sides of the topic.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
structure
Oppose and agree part can be seen with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • government patronage
  • cultural heritage
  • national identity
  • creative industries
  • unnecessary expense
  • essential services
  • democratize
  • private patronage
  • market forces
  • innovation
  • boost tourism
  • subjective nature
  • allocated ineffectively
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