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Writing Samples
Band 6

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

Due to
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 the rapid changes throughout the world globe,
people
Use synonyms
 has altered their sleeping patterns and diminished healthy sleeping hours to the less quantity, about 6 or less hours per day. Unfortunately,
this
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 phenomenon is accepted by our community as a normal thing,
although
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 it is not.
To begin
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 with, “sleep less, be more productive!”- famous
people
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 claim almost in every single taken interview of them, imposing to us as sleeping takes “too much time” and saying that “
instead
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 of sleeping you would commit a feat”. Since these days
people
Use synonyms
 tend to be more affected by the social media power - advertisement,
this
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 occurrence leads to a diverse effect on the
people
Use synonyms
’s decision-making process . To illustrate it with my own example, I would say that time to time I get exposed by the rant of famous busenessmen who claim that in their 14-yeared career they could afford to have only 2 weeks of rest. To be honest,
such
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 kinds of speeches make me belittle my merits and make me feel as I live my life in vain. The second pivotal reason why
people
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 sleep less is that under the exposure of technological development and the consequences which lead
people
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 to be online almost 24/7.
Moreover
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, the recent pandemic situation has just opened up the doors to the accelerated switch to the online or meta-Universe, where you do not need to be in conatct with real
people
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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,
such
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 regression in
people
Use synonyms
’s behaviour impacts to the personal health primarily. Generally, diminishing sleeping hours and dis balance in every sphere of personal occupation leads to the health-threatening adverse effects
such
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 as: diabetes, heart stroke, mental disorders, psychological issues.
For instance
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, getting used to be online 24/7 pushes
people
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 to the edge of psychological imbalance.
Thus
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,
people
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 sleep less. In turn,
people
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 get irritated, disgruntled , and closed to the society. Under these circumstances, a person ruins relationships with
people
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 around him: friends, colleagues, relatives. Saying it, human values might be endangered in the future by
this
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 significantly alterable pace of the
people
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’s behaviour, attitude.
To sum up
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, I hope that we, humans, will be more conscious about our healthcare routine, knowing that sleep deprivation is not a natural process for bio-organisms. Sleep is a rest for our sophisticated organismal function from the over-pressure and is considered to be a vital process.
In addition
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, without sleep our activity during the day-light will be much lowered and our body, an organism in aggregate, will not be able to maintain viability.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow. It is important to organize your ideas in a coherent and cohesive manner to improve the overall readability and understanding of your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, but your response could be more comprehensive. It is important to fully address all aspects of the question and provide a well-rounded response to the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sleep
  • sleep less
  • sleep more
  • reason
  • cause
  • effect
  • impact
  • tired
  • tiredness
  • energy
  • focus
  • memory
  • health
  • stress
  • worry
  • anxiety
  • habit
  • routine
  • sleep pattern
  • night
  • day
  • light
  • dark
  • noise
  • screen
  • phone
  • computer
  • coffee
  • tea
  • alcohol
  • schedule
  • sleep quality
  • bed
  • rest
  • nap
  • short nap
  • safety
  • accident
  • driving
  • daylight
  • sun
  • exercise
  • home
  • family
  • work
  • study
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