IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many cities the population is increasing. Some say that the urbanization process denies us knowing our neighbors, and this causes a loss of community sense. What is the main problem with this? What measures can be taken to overcome it?

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The population is increasing in many cities in the world which
process
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urbanization
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. Some
people
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 believe that it leads to misunderstanding us knowing our neighbours.I think we should gain insight into the history of
people
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 because there was not any kind of
urbanization
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process
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 compared to the
last
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 3 decades and
that is
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 why they are worrying.It would easily resolved by actions of the government
such
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 as making events that bring feelings of unity.
It is clear that
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, in most of the part of human history there was not anything which is similar to the big cities we have now.So
urbanization
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process
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 is a new thing that came to human civilization and developing rapidly for the
last
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 3 decades and it obviously would be wrong to expect that
people
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 will quickly get used to it.
However
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 you may say that in history there were many empires which had their own capitals and many
people
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 were living there,but if we compare the size of those capitals back
then
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 to the megapolices of certain countries,it is obvious that previous capitals are losing in size compared to New York
for instance
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.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that some worries would be easily handled by the government. Nowadays, the main reason for losing a sense of having neighbours or friends is that most
people
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 lack experience in communication because of the daily routine they have. Events
such
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 as new national holidays national parties or concerts where they sing songs about unity or patriotism could bring amalgamation between a wide range of society.
For instance
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,China has a wide range of nations in its country and handles amazingly by making patriotic posters about how they can do everything by being together. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 previous humans had not faced the problems of the
urbanization
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process
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 that certain humans are facing now.
However
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,
i
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I
show examples
 strongly believe that events which make
people
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 feel a sense of unity could be easily organised by the government and will resolve
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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task achievement
To improve task response, consider elaborating on the main ideas with more depth and clarity. This includes not just stating the problem but also exploring its underlying causes and implications.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on refining the logical structure of your essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and that ideas flow in a clear, logical order.
task achievement
Additionally, make sure to support your points with relevant, specific examples that illustrate your argument more effectively. This will strengthen your response and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your topic introduction and conclusion are well-presented, which helps to frame the essay effectively.
task achievement
You present a complete response to the question, addressing both parts of the prompt.
task achievement
The essay touches on relevant points like government intervention, historical context, and community sense.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • social cohesion
  • isolation
  • mental health
  • emotional support
  • practical support
  • community programs
  • public spaces
  • volunteering
  • neighborhood watch
  • sustainable living
  • community gardens
  • recycling programs
  • collective well-being
  • interactions
  • engaged residents
  • network of support
  • overwhelmed infrastructure
  • public health concerns
  • sense of shared responsibility
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