Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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There is a dramatic change

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how people are living.

The society

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Society

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have

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has

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forgotten the purpose brought about by tradition or sacred festivals.

Hoewever

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However

,during celebration periods,

community

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the community

a community

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currently want to have fun solely.In my view,

this

Linking Words

is a grey area that

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disagree with that

festive

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the festive

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season

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have not been put on the front line.

Firstly

Linking Words

festive

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the festive

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season

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is a period to enjoy through entertainments,buying and receiving gifts

such

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that the society spend funds which were not planned for to make the

season

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meaningful.To illustrate more,

peole

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people

travel

long

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a long

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distance

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distances

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to worship together with senior citizens

thereafter

Linking Words

,they go ahead to

slaughtering

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slaughter

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a goat and have some drinks.

For example

Linking Words

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apply

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research done by homecare in 2000 shows that 60% of festivity take place in rural areas.

Therefore

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,end of year

celebration

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celebrations

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are imperative in uniting family and every person has a reason to celebrate the

season

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Secondly

Linking Words

bad

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the bad

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economic time has facilitated

family

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families

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to utilize the little funds on their small unit.

Inaddition

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In addition

need

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the need

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to cater for basic

need

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needs

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has forced many

parent

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parents

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to be on duty during the period others are having fun.

Linking Words

Moreover

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,Moreover

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technology is very significant in the modern era

such

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that they would rather spend the day watching movies than uniting with other people for entertainment.

For example

Linking Words

,in 2021 the star newspapers indicated that 60% of

graduate

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graduates

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spend festivity praying video games.

Therefore

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,it is due to many responsibilities that

has

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have

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overtaken the

season

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of being together with acquaintances

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apply

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partly. To sum up,holidays are fundamental in the world and meaningful that they create memory due to many activities that take place

Linking Words

however

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,however

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,technology and many

responsibility

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responsibilities

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has

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have

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facilitaed

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facilitated

many to do it on their own.

Sabina HamisiSun Dec 19 2021

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Commercialization
Globalization
Cultural dilution
Traditional values
Secularization
Festivity
Heritage
Individualism vs. collectivism
Consumer culture
Intangible cultural heritage

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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?