IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that the best way to teach children to behave well is to punish them. Others argue that rewarding and praising children is a better way to teach them the difference between right and wrong. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #difference #right
A
children
 background is depending on their
parents
 and friends.
Furthermore
, their rearing is depending on their living environment not only
home
Correct pronoun usage
their home
show examples
 environment but
also
school
Correct pronoun usage
their school
show examples
 environment.
Firstly
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
children
imitating
Wrong verb form
imitate
show examples
 their
parents
 in their classes, so that teachers are able to see what is the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of his/her
parents
.
On the other hand
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids
Add an article
the kids
show examples
 duplicate their parent’s
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 in their classes.
Therefore
,
parents
 have to try to be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right person at home at least.
For example
, two little girls had
argument
Add an article
an argument
show examples
, one of them just hit another one in order to keep her mind.
girl
Add an article
the girl
a girl
show examples
 who is hitting another one is doing
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 action which her
parents
 or friends did. In
this
 case, the
parents
 or a teacher do not need to scold her directly
instead
 of
this
, perhaps they can explain
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 risks of hitting somebody.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
punishing someone is
old
Add an article
an old
the old
show examples
 way to teach something, might be human being used these methods in the 19th century. In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world, we should talk about peace and unity.
Father
Fix the agreement mistake
Fathers
show examples
 and mothers try to reward or praise their kids as
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 as possible. It is
really
Correct article usage
a really
show examples
 wrong action that if
parents
 did some abuse to their
children
. Because when they grew up, exactly they will follow their
parents
 and abuse his/
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
children
 again. Indeed, punishment is not
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
 for
children
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
. In my opinion,
parents
 have to support their
children
 in all ways. I believe that successful person inspired by their
parents
 when they were kids.
Parents
 gave them
dream
Add the particle
to dream
show examples
 and passion from
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Finally
, I strongly believe that
parents
 should teach
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
difference
Add an article
the difference
show examples
 between right and wrong so that
children
 can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
 and good daddy.
Submitted by tsembeek on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: