Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #music #cultures #ages

Sound

is everywhere in daily life, from the path you way home, to the restaurant’s background

music

. Depending on the situation and the

time

, sounds can be gorgeous and make

people

delightful.

On the contrary

, it may cause some pressure

Change preposition

show examples

mental health.

This

essay will discuss both sides and what can be accepted.

Change preposition

Throughout

show examples

Along

Add the preposition

withAlong

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

human history,

music

has accompanied for a long

time

. At that

time

sound

Add an article

the sound

show examples

was originally to scare horrible

animal

Fix the agreement mistake

animals

show examples

in order to prevent them hurt

people

. Till

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

middle age,

music

had an immense advancement.

Propagandist

Fix the agreement mistake

Propagandists

show examples

and persist were utilized

music

to make

people

together.

Also

, many greatest masterpieces were developed at that

time

. It did alleviate anxiety and

bring

Wrong verb form

brought

show examples

peace to everyone.

Moreover

people

nowadays have

a diverse

Remove the article

diverse music

a piece of diverse music

show examples

music

attributed to the internet. We can admire either ubiquitous or unique

music

. Distinctive

music

such

as aboriginal

music

can be seen easily and be heard wildly.

This

can convey that everyone can enjoy

Remove the article

apply

show examples

various

music

of background culture. In another hand, since the urban sprawl,

people

has

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have

show examples

been annoyed by some “noise” sounds. We can say that piano

sound

is elaborate

music

However

, if

this

kind of

sound

showed up

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show examples

middle

Correct article usage

the middle

show examples

night

Change preposition

of night

show examples

, you definitely not think that

this

is delicate.

Furthermore

these

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

“wrong

time

”

music

may lead to some mental and physical health problems.

In addition

, I consider that noticeable

music

can mitigate pressure and bring coherence to everyone.

Change preposition

show examples

the opposite, as long as the

music

not

Add a missing verb

is not

show examples

played

Change preposition

show examples

an appropriate

time

or inaccurate place, it might

causes

Change the verb form

cause

show examples

some issues that really matter.

Submitted by sam658769 on Wed Dec 22 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and preparatory methods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans are facing in the 21st century and sea level is continuing to rise at alarming rates. What are the causes and some possible solutions to global warming?

Many people believe that companies and individuals should pay to clean up the environment in proportion to the amount of pollution they have produced. To what extent to you agree or disagree?