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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In
this
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 modern era, the issue of investing the community's funding has become one of the most acute problems for the general public.
While
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 some individuals argue that it's better for policy-makers to invest more in space exploration, others,
on the other hand
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, considerably support the policy of spending on saving
this
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 whole wide world.
This
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 essay aims to elucidate these differing perspectives before offering my own viewpoint.
Body paragraph 1
Examining the former opinion, spending on other planets significantly provide multifaced merits.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that it is the leverage for breakthroughs in fields
such
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 as medicine, energy, or material science. Meanwhile, Earth has limited non-renewable energy.
As a result
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, discovering
such
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 energies on Mars, Venus , or even the Moon reduces the pressure on restricting the use of some typical resources.
Moreover
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, space discovery
also
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 serves as a means of planetary defence against other potential threats from space objects.
This
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 benefit is able to secure our species' future and prevent terrestrial challenges.
Body paragraph 2
Considering the other argument, funding for preserving our world substantially offers significant advantages to both environmental and social benefits. It is undeniable that planetary conservation safeguarding well-being of our globe and our offspring. By protecting the ecosystem, preserving biodiversity or mitigating the effects of climate change, humans can maintain the health of the globe.
This
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 investment,
on the other hand
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, is more sustainable and obvious than depending on other planets' exploration, which is much more unclear and difficult.
Furthermore
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, global saving money is
also
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 capable of ensuring citizens' access to clean air and water,
while
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 still addressing ecological issues.
This
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 positive impact of funding secures a sustainable and promising future.
Body paragraph 3
After considering two arguments, I firmly assert that the authorities ought not to concentrate on profoundly investing in just one side, but they should allocate equally and sufficiently for all categories.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that both fields have significantly impacted each other.
Thus
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, strongly focusing on one of them and neglecting the others can't maximise the consequences.
As a result
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, governments have to strike a balance between spending for spatial exploration and global preservation, not only for the sake of the Earth, but
also
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 for the citizens of all countries.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both opinions have their own pros and cons.
Therefore
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, from my point of view, governments ought to strike a balance between spending public money on searching for other planets and protecting the Earth. They should allocate the budget appropriately for each field
while
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 still ensuring a fulfilling life for residents all over the world.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, make your opinion more clear from the start. Say if Earth should get more money, or if the two areas should get the same amount.
task response
Some main ideas need more support. For example, explain how space work can help medicine or energy, with one clear real or possible example.
task response
Be careful with the idea of finding energy on Mars or Venus. It is not clear that this would help people on Earth soon. Focus more on known gains from space work, such as weather reports, phone systems, or watching climate change.
task response
Your Earth paragraph has good points, but add a clear example of a problem that public money can help, such as clean water, floods, or air pollution.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, two main parts, and end. Keep this clear plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. In the first main part, space science, new energy, and defence are all included. Give each idea more space, or choose only two.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are not used in the best way. For example, “on the other hand” is used inside a paragraph about one view. Use it only when you move to the other view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in the last two paragraphs. State your view once, explain why, then end with a short final restatement.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain why some people support space work, why others want money for Earth, and you give your own view.
task response
The points about climate change, clean air, water, and the future of people are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will do, and the ending clearly returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are well separated, and words such as “Moreover”, “Furthermore”, and “As a result” help show links between ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented opportunities
  • extraterrestrial
  • satisfy human curiosity
  • practical benefits
  • inspiring goal
  • testament to human ambition
  • pursuit of knowledge
  • critics argue
  • imprudent
  • plague Earth
  • immediate attention
  • allocated for
  • environmental conservation
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • advancements
  • benefits for humanity
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