Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

For many centuries, humanities have the desire to indicate how successful they are in their own kind by using various indicators, and they try to figure the accuracy
one
to indicate
success
. Many are of the opinion that
monetary
Replace the word
money
show examples
is a better indicator while
others
disagree. I agree to a certain extent,
however
, there are some issues to consider. Both sides along with my perspective linked to
this
topic will be outlined in the following paragraphs. There are many reasons why
people
believed that
society
people
are more successful.
To begin
with,
one
significant argument is that humans are social creatures by nature. While it may be correct that
money
is really important in
this
recent world, it still appears to be the case that humans need to distribute something great to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
because they are
interdependence
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interdependent
show examples
. To illustrate, the
last
few years have seen an increase in the number of billionaires, but there
are
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is
show examples
a large gap in
society
lives
between rich and poor, leading to the worst place for
this
world. Not only because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
should help each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
but
also
because of contribute to
society
is the true value of life. In many kinds of research, sharing is the primary key to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
people
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
life which, in
turm
Correct your spelling
turn
, might well result in a good relationship
to
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with
show examples
one
another and
successful
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success
show examples
in living their
lives
. Even though there are various reasons that contributing to
society
should be the perfect indicators for
success
, I hold the view that
ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
making a lot of
money
are the most successful.
First
and foremost, the most important
one
is that
monetary
Replace the word
money
show examples
is the common and acceptable way to exchange around the world. It is true that
money
is created for the purpose of a middle indicator in exchanging some important products across the countries.
For example
,
people
spend their
money
to buy fundamental things in their
lives
such
as homes, food, and clothes. Without
this
financial method, individuals would have a difficult situation to exchange things
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
another
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
, so, without a doubt, many citizens think that
people
who have more
money
have more
success
.
Last
but not least, a
further
reason is that there
are
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is
show examples
no easy way to make a lot of
money
without
disciplines
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discipline
show examples
and
diligent
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diligence
show examples
.
This
is because most
of
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apply
show examples
billionaires
Add an article
the billionaires
show examples
, especially young
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
, have to sacrifice their entertainment in childhood time to be diligent, be more
focus
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focused
show examples
, and be
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrated
show examples
on their goals, achieving their
success
. In conclusion, despite several detrimental aspects of
money
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
the indicators of
success
, in my point of view, beneficial aspects outweigh them. Unless humans have enough
money
for their
lives
first
, there is far less
likelihood
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likely
show examples
that they will have resources to share more
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
others
.
Submitted by watunyu.s on

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Word Count

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A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial prosperity
  • capitalizing
  • luxury travel
  • exclusive experiences
  • contributions to society
  • humanitarian workers
  • lasting impact
  • highly subjective
  • cultural, societal, and personal values
  • comfort and security
  • deeper personal satisfaction
  • holistic understanding
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