IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that individuals over 65 should not be allowed to continue working. Others think that people should be allowed to work for as long as they can choose. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that Individuals over 65 years old should not be allowed to continue working, but others say that they should
work
Use synonyms
 as long as they choose
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. I opposed the view and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs. My view on the matter is that I think individuals who choose to
work
Use synonyms
 for as long as they desire are more correct than people over 65 who should not be allowed to
work
Use synonyms
 ever again. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is because,
for example
Linking Words
, imagine if you just turned 66 and you were a great cook. Would you enjoy it if you were not able to
work
Use synonyms
 ever again? I am pretty sure that you would not enjoy it because you were probably raising
money
Use synonyms
 to keep your family or friends protected and healthy. If you were to choose whether or not you wanted to retire, your life would turn out to be more productive if you chose the option to not stop
work
Use synonyms
. You would earn more
money
Use synonyms
. By not retiring and choosing to
work
Use synonyms
 as long as you want you may have a high chance of gathering lots of
money
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 way you will have plenty of
money
Use synonyms
 to provide for yourself and maybe even others.
This
Linking Words
 brings me to the
last
Linking Words
 reason why if you were allowed to operate for as long as you desire your life would be more achievable because not only do you help yourself but you
also
Linking Words
 help the people around you. To recapitulate, I am a strong advocate of the idea that the more the individual performs, the more the result would gradually be improved.
Hence
Linking Words
, there should not be any limitation for a 65-year-old person to
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 as he/she gained lots of experience during those long-lasting years.
Submitted by sargsyan_armine on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: