in some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
In numerous countries, the
pressure
to own a home rather than rent has become increasingly pervasive. This
phenomenon can be attributed to societal norms that equate homeownership
with success. Individuals feel compelled to purchase property as proof of their financial stability and achievement, often regardless of their actual financial means. Moreover
, there is a prevailing belief that not owning a home reflects poorly on one's financial management skills, leading to social stigma and judgment. From my perspective, this
societal pressure
is concerning and highlights an issue that needs to be addressed.
This
societal pressure
is further
fueled by intergenerational expectations. Older generations, who were able to buy homes at a younger age with relative ease, often project the same expectations onto their descendants. As a result
, younger generations feel compelled to follow in their footsteps, driven by a desire to meet familial and societal expectations. Failure to do so may result in feelings of inadequacy and shame, perpetuating the cycle of pressure
and expectation.
However
, this
emphasis on homeownership
fails to account for the economic realities faced by today's workforce. In many countries, housing prices have soared to unprecedented levels, far outpacing the growth of wages. For example
, in Indonesia, the average house price has risen significantly over the past few decades, while
minimum wage increases have lagged behind. The price of houses has skyrocketed in the last
50 years, but the minimum pay increase still has a long way to afford one
. Verb problem
go
According to
a local digital news
in Indonesia, Remove the article
local digital news
a piece of local digital news
currently
minimum wage is about 0.30% of the average house price in the capital city, Add a comma
currently,
whereas
around
1990, it was approximately 0.50%. Add the comma(s)
, around
This
widening gap between housing affordability and income levels makes it increasingly challenging for individuals, especially those with lower incomes, to achieve homeownership
.
In conclusion, while
owning a home may be viewed as a measure of success in many societies, the current emphasis on homeownership
overlooks the economic disparities that exist. This
condition is negative as it exacerbates inequality and disregards the economic challenges faced by many individuals.Submitted by desyaf99 on
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Task Response
Be sure to directly answer the second part of the question regarding your personal view on whether the situation is positive or negative more explicitly. While you've done a great job explaining your view, ensuring a direct statement on your stance could enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider introducing a wider range of linking devices to enhance the flow of your argument. You've done well in structuring the essay, but varying sentence structures and connectors could improve readability and coherence.
General
Your essay provides a well-structured argument and addresses the major points of the topic effectively.
Task Achievement
You've used relevant examples and detailed explanations to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow of ideas and the presence of an introduction and conclusion make your essay cohesive and coherent.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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