Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that teaching
children
to behave appropriately and to become good members of
society
is a great responsibility.
While
it is a commonly held belief that
parents
are responsible for teaching kids how to be good members of
society
, there is
also
an argument that should guide
children
.
This
essay will analyse the topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand,
parents
have a substantial influence on a child's life. From infancy,
children
learn by observing and imitating their
parents
' behaviours and attitudes.
In other words
,
parents
have the opportunity to model empathy, respect, and responsibility for being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
of
society
.
For example
, through everyday interactions,
such
as resolving conflicts peacefully or demonstrating kindness towards others.
In addition
,
parents
can impart invaluable lessons that shape their
children
's character.
For instance
, the familial environment provides a unique setting for discussions about values, ethics, and social responsibilities, allowing
children
to develop a deep understanding of their role within the community.
On the other hand
, the influence of
parents
alone may be limited, especially as
children
grow older and begin to spend more time outside the home.
This
is where
schools
play a crucial role. It is possible to say that
schools
serve as microcosms of
society
. To illustrate,
schools
offer a structured environment where students can practice essential social skills and navigate ethical dilemmas under the guidance of educators.
For example
, provide students with opportunities to interact with peers from diverse backgrounds and engage in communal activities.
Furthermore
, teachers, through their mentorship, reinforce the values instilled by
parents
and help students develop a sense of accountability and empathy towards others.
Schools
,
for example
, provide a platform for discussing complex social issues and encouraging critical thinking.   In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that both
parents
and school have a crucial role in teaching
children
. Both of them can affect a child's personality in some way, so they should collaborate with each other to ensure that young people become good future citizens of their country.
Submitted by rawanzoubi3 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear stance or opinion is presented in the introduction to immediately guide the reader. While your conclusion does a great job of highlighting your opinion, incorporating it earlier can significantly enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, try to more explicitly link your main points back to the question throughout the essay. Signposting language, such as 'this illustrates that...', can help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices. While you've made good use, varying these more can help to demonstrate your linguistic range and make your argument flow more naturally.
task achievement
Introduce a counter-argument to showcase your ability to engage with multiple perspectives. This not only demonstrates your understanding of the complexity of the issue but also enhances your essay's depth.
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