Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation.

#artists #sums #money #struggle #governments #steps #situation

It is true that some famous painters gain

huge

Add an article

a huge

show examples

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

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of money, while others are near the poverty limit, and it is sometimes argued that whether

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should address

this

problem or not. I completely agree with the idea that

this

unfairness should be removed by some specific actions. There are several root reasons why

fulldilment

Correct your spelling

fulfilment

fairness has many beneficial effects on people.

Firstly

, after removal of

this

unfairness, children of the future generation will consider being as the secure job,

becuase

Correct your spelling

because

they will be sure that if they work hard they will have a guaranteed career rather than a chance.

Secondly

, artist's should not rely on the chance of being discovered by celebrities and famous artists, and even if they were discovered, most artists were utilized as the managers' tools.

For instance

, a painter who

have

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has

show examples

been discovered as

the

Correct article usage

show examples

talent

Replace the word

talented

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recently,

probaly

Correct your spelling

probably

, is consumed to make

money

Change preposition

as money

show examples

as possible as they can in a short period

instead

of creating a long and stable career for him. Apart from the practical concerns mentioned above, I

also

believe

this

type of monopoly

lead

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leads

show examples

to the repetition of the pictures

Remove the comma

apply

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because famous people who earn consistently the huge amount of money do not see any needs to change their pictures and put

barier

Correct your spelling

barrier

barriers

to rise up new painters like Pablo Picasso and Salvador Dali which have been created new trends and removed the necessity of realist pictures. In conclusion, the unfairness, among the painters, has many drawbacks for both career and new trends of painting, so

Correct your spelling

government

goverment

Correct article usage

the goverment

show examples

should take steps in order to mitigate

this problems

Change the determiner

this problem

these problems

show examples

Submitted by parvanaasgarova1 on Mon Dec 27 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation.

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, many children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people say it is the responsibility of governments to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some governments believe it is necessary to impose a higher tax on junk food because an increaing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much of this type of food. What do you think about this?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Scientists predict in the near future, cars will be driven by computers, not people. Why? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. However, there are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?