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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, there is a growing gap between the technical skills of younger people and those over the age of 50. What problem does this cause, and what solutions could minimize the problem?

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The advancement of the
technology
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 industry in the world has surged at a fast pace and,
people
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 are obligated to follow
this
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.
However
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, there is a drawback that looks subtle but could cause a big problem.
People
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 above the age of 50
could not
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cannot
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 keep up with the current
technology
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,
while
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technology
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 is a part of youngsters' daily life.
This
Linking Words
 leads to a large gap between these two generations in terms of technical
skills
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.
People
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 in their 50s are not familiar with
technology
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 since it was not developed properly when they were young.
In contrast
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, the young generations have faced
technology
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 since they were born.
Therefore
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, elders find it hard to follow the current trend as their brains can not easily adapt to technical information
fastly
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fast
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 like those in their 20s or 30s.
This
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 can be problematic because society has used
technology
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 to make things effective and efficient.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, almost 50% of retail stores do not accept cash for payment, and they prefer to accept payment through cards or through e-payment. If someone does not fulfil
this
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 requirement, they can not buy the goods.
Hence
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, it may be troublesome for elderly
people
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.
However
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,
this
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 problem can be solved if the younger
people
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 could lend some help to these elders.
For instance
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, the children can help their parents and teach them how to use basic
technology
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skills
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 that are needed in modern life. Another solution is to accompany
people
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 over
50s
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50
 whenever they need to do something that requires advanced technical
skills
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. In conclusion, the differences in technical
skills
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 between younger
people
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 and elder
people
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 are an undeniable fact.
However
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, the wide gap in technical
skills
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 between two different generations can be lessened if these
people
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 help each other in society.

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the context well, but consider enhancing it with a clearer thesis statement that outlines the specific problems and solutions you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs have a logical flow, but try to use more linking phrases to enhance transitions between ideas, which can improve cohesion.
task achievement
In your conclusion, reinforce your main points more explicitly to provide a stronger closure to your argument and highlight the importance of the solutions.
task achievement
You have offered relevant examples to support your points, such as the example of retail stores in Indonesia, which adds depth to your argument.
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