Write about the following topic: In many parts of the world, shopping is no longer a way that people buy things that they need, and it has been developed into a form of entertainment. What are the reasons for this development? Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
this
whole wide world,people
used to buy necessary products as per their purpose.Whereas
,before few decades,as
we all see a huge amount of modernization coming into the market humans Rephrase
ago,as
buy
stuff Wrong verb form
bought
according to
their mood as well as
entertainment,they buy
products when they Wrong verb form
bought
feel
Wrong verb form
felt
of
going Change preposition
like
to
shopping.Change preposition
apply
This
development
has advantages as well as
disadvantages but we will focus on both of the factors in this
essay.
Firstly
,the positive effect of shopping things
Change preposition
for things
besides
the needs of consumers is the high standard of living which is
seen for a decade now,because the earning capacity of humans is increasing day by day.Wrong verb form
has been
This
development
is seen all over the world,which is the positive effect of countries growing financially because during the old days
Add a comma
days,
people
used to buy things
which they needed in a month and they used to earn money
only for completing the daily needs of the family.Nowadays,people
's goals have been raised to the next level because they earn money
for both families as well as
enjoy life.This
is the positive side of modernization .For example
, a few years ago my grandfather used to earn money
just to complete the basic and necessary needs of the family.Whereas
,now as the young generation is coming into effect they tend to save money
and earn more money
rather just
completing the basic needs.
Correct word choice
than just
On the other hand
,every coin has two sides so there are some disadvantages based on the development
of the shopping behaviour of the public.If people
are earning more it does not mean that they should spend there
most of the Rephrase
apply
money
on their entertainment as well as
the needs of the family,there should be some kind of balance between the both,because if we are spending a maximum number of amount buying extra things
rather should save money
and work hard.
In conclusion,the disadvantages outweigh the advantages because buying things
out of entertainment ,sometimes you tend to buy things
which are of no use.Thus
,This
development
in some sense tends to be difficult.Submitted by surajgadhvi92 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion. The main points are not effectively supported, leading to a weak logical structure.
task response
Your essay does not fully address the task. It is important to consider both the positive and negative aspects of shopping as a form of entertainment. Additionally, it is essential to provide specific examples to support your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.