IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Doctors recommend that older people should get regular exercise. However many older people do not take enough exercise. What could be the reason for this? What can be done to encourage them to take exercise?

#doctors #people #exercise #reason
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Exercising is very important for
alderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, doctors recommend that senior adults should have regular
Use synonyms
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
.
Heence
Correct your spelling
Hence
, most old
people
Use synonyms
 only have a minimum
exercise
Use synonyms
 experience. In
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 following
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
paragraph
pragraphs
Add a comma
,pragraphs
show examples
 I will explain the reason and give my opinion of what we can do to make them
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
 regularly.
First
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all, exercises are very good for everyone because everyday
workout
Use synonyms
 can make the blood flood
smoonthly
Correct your spelling
smoothly
, which is can make the heart healthier.
Therefore
Linking Words
, old
people
Use synonyms
's should do
exercise
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 as
this
Linking Words
 can make them healthies and live longer.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
's after 50th
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 will have high blood pressure, high blood sugar and cholesterol, in
this
Linking Words
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 doctor will
first
Linking Words
 give them
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
 to do half
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 hour walking
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 to control
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 weight
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if fault
then
Linking Words
 he or she will give them medicines to control.
As a result
Linking Words
, all medicines will have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
side effect,
that is
Linking Words
 why
Add an article
a doctor
the doctor
show examples
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 will give them
advice
Change the article
the advice
show examples
 to try to do
exercing
Correct your spelling
exercising
 to maintain their health.
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
, many
people
Use synonyms
 are spending too much time
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work, they will have very
less
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
 chance to do any
workout
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some old
people
Use synonyms
's are
retire
Change the form of the verb
retired
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they need to look after
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 grandchildren, so they do not have times to do any exercises, even they have times to go for walk but only couple of
timea
Correct your spelling
times
time
 in a week. Eventually, the
first
Linking Words
 sign of lack of
exercise
Use synonyms
 is weight gain, and
then
Linking Words
 others health problems will appear.
Therefore
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 should encourage
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 parents to do more
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
, or buy them
a
Change the article
an
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 machine, so they can do
Use synonyms
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 in
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 times. In summary, I
strong
Replace the word
strongly
show examples
 agree
doctor's
Change the noun form
doctors
doctor
show examples
 advise old
people
Use synonyms
 should have
regular
Add an article
a regular
show examples
Use synonyms
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 as
trhis
Correct your spelling
this
 is very important for them.
Also
Linking Words
, I believe everybody should have active life which playing some sport to maintain
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 health.
Submitted by junechan822 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical activity
  • low-impact exercise
  • chronic conditions
  • senior-friendly
  • public awareness campaigns
  • group exercise classes
  • motivation
  • health maintenance
  • financial constraints
  • supervised workout sessions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: