IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities and cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#country #population #mixture #nationalities #cultures
Due to globalization, many countries have
people
 from different areas. Some individuals believe that
this
 is good for the fast
growth
 of a country while others are completely against it. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and explain why I completely agree with the option that a nation develops more quickly
having
Change preposition
by having
show examples
 a mixture of
people
 from different origins. The
first
 reason for the undevelopment of a region with a mixture of cultures is understanding especially for developing countries.
People
 from
religion
Fix the agreement mistake
religions
show examples
 would prefer to follow their cultural rules over the
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 and
this
 will result in the delay of a decision.
For example
, In
India
Add a comma
,India
show examples
 there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land vacant for building a religious place. But due to multiple cultures, some societies are voting to
built
Change the verb
build
show examples
 a temple while others are in favour of a gurudwara.
Therefore
, these kinds of issues
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 creating a gap in the development of a nation.
On the other hand
, when a region has
people
 from mixed areas, they keep on celebrating different festivals which makes their life joyful and interesting.
For example
, Christmas is one of the most celebrated festivals by individuals irrespective of their religion. Another contributing factor is that
people
 from different mindset helps in the fast
growth
 of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society by sharing their experience and viewpoint. In the US,
for instance
, Indian CEO's are running the most powerful organizations like Adobe, Microsoft.
Therefore
 a country develops more quickly when its residents are from different nations. In nutshell,
Although
 there are some issues in the
growth
 of a country with a mixed population, A nation's
growth
 is much faster when it has individuals from multiple origins and
this
 is interesting for the population as well which keeps them moving
Submitted by davinderkaur3190 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Melting pot
  • Multicultural
  • Integration
  • Harmony
  • Cultural mosaic
  • Economic prosperity
  • Cross-cultural
  • Cultural exchange
  • Innovative thinking
  • Globalized
  • Community support
  • Social cohesion
  • Cultural diversity
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Discrimination
  • Cultural landscape
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Tourism appeal
  • Educational experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: