Secondly，if individuals become owners of their jobs，there might

#secondly，if #individuals #owners #jobs，there

Secondly

，if individuals become owners of their jobs，there might be a risk.It is quite common to see that a number of entrepreneurs，independent traders and freelancers go bankrupt as their ventures were incapable of making a profit，which could not only have detrimental impacts on their lives but

also

generate burdens for society。In conclusion，I understand why people are in favour of self-employment and believe that

this

could result in several plausible demerits。

Submitted by dhanoagagan36 on Fri Dec 31 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

69 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
It is often said that the government spend too much money on the projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problem that are more important. To what extent do you agree or disagree
The government allocate sufficient funds to saving wild animals. Some people believe that there are more crucial issues that the government should spend on . In my opinion, I believe it is essential to protect wildlife according to its substantial advantages.
8
band
The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Governments in some countries spend large amounts of money on space exploration programmes. I completely agree with the idea that these are a waste of money and that the funds should be allocated to public services.
7
band
Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living. What is your opinion about this? What other time in history would be interesting to live in?
It has been said that this is the best time in human history for living. I strongly agree with this statement because technological advancements have made our life a lot easier than ever before. In this essay, I will examine in detail the blessing of technology that proves that we are living in the best time. Apart from this, I will suggest another period of time that would be interesting to live in.
4.5
band
An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?
Nowadays, it is true that the overweight problem is increasing in a number of children and for that reason, when they grow older it creates a difficult problem for them both in terms of health and the health care system. In this essay, I will explain why the case is so, and I will give some possible solutions to eliminate this problem very efficiently.
6.5
band
The dangers and complexities of modern world have made mobile phone an absolute necessity for children.
Because of peril situations and problems in the current world, some people are of the opinion that usage of mobile phones by the pupils should be made as obligatory, whilst other experts oppose it. In my opinion, using mobile phones saves them from risky circumstances.

Secondly，if individuals become owners of their jobs，there might

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

It is often said that the government spend too much money on the projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problem that are more important. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living. What is your opinion about this? What other time in history would be interesting to live in?

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

The dangers and complexities of modern world have made mobile phone an absolute necessity for children.