IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults who commit crimes. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
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Nowadays in our society, we are facing new problems and social issues
such
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 as
crimes
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 and poverty. Some
people
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 believe that the government should develop new regulations to decline
crimes
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such
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 as the treatment of young
people
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 who commit
crimes
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 in different ways. Some
people
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 have comments about the treatment of young
people
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. They express that young
people
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 and youngsters who commit
crimes
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 and break the regulations should be treated in the same way as
adults
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 who commit
crimes
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. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain my thoughts in detail and extend my opinion about
this
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 issue in our society.
To begin
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 with, in my opinion, prevention is better than cure, so if the government make various policies and regulations against
crimes
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 and criminals,
finally
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 some
people
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 who want to commit
crimes
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 will be declined.
Therefore
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,
first
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 of all, strong rules will improve the level of social safety.
In addition
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, I disagree with
this
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 theory that young
people
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 who commit
crimes
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 should be treated in the same way as
adults
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 who commit
crimes
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, because they have a clean soul rather than
adults
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, and they can change their future by improving their good abilities.
For example
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, if a young boy commits a theft, he can change
this
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 bad personality to a good personality.
Additionally
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, in developed and developing countries
such
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 as the United States of America and European countries, their governments have established special prisons for young
people
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 apart from
adults
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 who commit
crimes
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. In the long run, they can manage young
people
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's misbehaviours and treat them. In conclusion, it seems that young
people
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 who commit
crimes
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 should be treated in different ways as
adults
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 who commit
crimes
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, and the governments should provide new facilities to improve the bad habitats of young
people
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 in the long term.
Submitted by shayan.rahimi92 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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