IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is impossible for governments to help all the people in the world who need helps, so governments should focus only on helping people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #people #world #focus #countries
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In recent years, it seems that the gap between the rich and poor is widening in both individuals and
countries
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.
However
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, it is unlikely for wealthy
governments
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 to assist all
people
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 living in poverty and
thus
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 some
people
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 think that they can concentrate only on helping their own citizens. I partly agree with
this
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 view. One main reason in favour of
this
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 opinion is that it is the obligation of the
governments
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 to help their individuals living in pain and struggling.
This
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 is because
governments
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 monthly impose taxes on almost every working adult.
Thus
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, I believe they should offer education to children from poor families, supply health care to patients who can not afford medical fees and allocate part of funds for pensions to support the well-being of retired, elderly
people
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. Only by
this
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, will adults who are making money be willing to pay taxes to
governments
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, which is the base of the normal function of a nation.
However
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, we should recognise that there still exist some
people
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,
in particular
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 those in underdeveloped
countries
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, who can not have access to basic living conditions,
such
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 as a tidy flat, clean water and sufficient food, and their government does not have the resources and funds to assist them.
Thus
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, I think it is the
governments
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 with the ability, especially those in developed nations, who should cooperatively help their counterparts to get away from trouble because we are the only humans on Earth.
For example
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, they can first send some food and help them build necessary infrastructure,
such
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 as roads and drainage systems, to satisfy their primary lives and improve their hygiene conditions.
Then
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, they can send some exceptional doctors, leading agricultural professors and educationalists to assist in cultivating the professionals there, which will make a difference in the long-term development of those
countries
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 and help their
people
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 fundamentally.
Then
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, there will be fewer
people
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 needing help and
this
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 is the meaning of human, from my perspective. In conclusion, I think
governments
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 should prioritise citizens in their own
countries
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, but if they have the ability, it is necessary for them to make a joint effort to assist other
people
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 in trouble.
Submitted by 1378468145 on

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument. For even higher scores, consider strengthening the examples that support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-connected and transitions between them are smooth. This will enhance the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and present.
task achievement
You successfully address the complexity of the issue, acknowledging both sides of the argument.
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