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Band 5

The world should have only one government rather than a national government for each country. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #government #country #outweigh
It is suggested that the
world
 should be ruled by a single
government
, and
while
this
 does seem to be a far-fetched idea, I think it would bring more benefits if it happened. I should admit that there
would be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
one
 main danger to having the only
government
 to govern the whole
world
, and
this
 rests on the idea that no
one
 would guarantee that there would be a justice president. A clear example would be the USSR, which exploited CIS countries for their advantage, misused their natural resources, practised forced labour and many other cruel activities. There would be no
one
 to speak up or stand up for
this
 because the
world
 would be controlled by
one
government
 that would have all the military forces and
thus
 the power. Despite
this
, I can give several reasons why the
world
 should have
one
 central
government
. First of all, there would be no war whatsoever. The reason why countries declare wars against each other is for the aim of occupying new lands or other natural resources, but there would be no need for
such
terrorizing
Correct article usage
a terrorizing
show examples
 act if the single
government
 happily allocated these precious treasures between nations across the globe.
Also
, travelling would be effortless. Many people around the
world
 are not given the chance
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 freely
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 other countries in order to study, work or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
spend their holiday as there are plenty of requirements to meet, which is not possible in many cases.
However
, a passport and ticket would be the only requirements to travel worldwide if there were
one
government
. In short, the
world
 would be peaceful and easy to travel if there were a single authority, and if
this
 authority were justice, there would be only benefits that would remain.
Submitted by mallaboyevshoxbozbek77 on

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task response
For task achievement, the response does not fully address the prompt and lacks relevant specific examples to support the arguments. Try to provide more concrete examples and directly address the advantages and disadvantages outlined in the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, the essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the supported main points would benefit from more development and specific examples. Aim to elaborate on each point and provide relevant evidence or examples to strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • centralized policies
  • international cooperation
  • global economy
  • trade barriers
  • military spending
  • authoritarian control
  • cultural diversity
  • national identities
  • local issues
  • homogenized
  • decision-making
  • democratic representation
  • world peacekeeping force
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