Some people think that the goverment should strictly control the supply of fresh water, as it is a limited resource , while others it should not be regulated. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion

It is often believed that limited fresh
water
should be controlled by the
government
whereas
some
people
are pessimistic about
this
intervention and support the unlimited distribution of
water
. I partially agree with
this
, for its growing demand in the rise of population in some countries regardless of the advancement of technology, which ensures its sufficiency in the future. On the one hand, the
government
should play a crucial role in regulating the amount of
water
distributed to individuals when there is a severe shortage of fresh
water
in countries whose population rises dramatically.
In other words
, there are more
people
who are unable to access clean
water
as it is consumed at an accelerating speed to support more
people
's lives in modern society.
For instance
, the insufficiency of
water
is intense in many developing countries
such
as India and Kenya where more
people
rely on clean
water
for drinking, bathing, and even treating those who suffer from diseases and injuries.
Therefore
, the lack of supervision of
water
from authorities can escalate concerns over health, promoting the death rate resulting from dehydration
as well as
infection, all of which should encourage national leaders to take an active approach.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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regulation from the
government
is not always necessary because of the increasing amount of
water
being stored
due to
the sophisticated technology available today. Indeed, the advanced filtering system called "Jyosui" has been introduced to raise the supply of drinking
water
by removing any tiny particles from contaminated
water
.
Furthermore
, more fresh
water
has been preserved in
water
plants for an emergency to ensure the safety of the public.
Thus
,
such
a sustainable way to produce clean
water
has already been established, reducing the need for control from the
government
. In conclusion, I somewhat agree with the
government
's intervention in
water
distribution to ensure that it is well provided to those who are in need.
However
, the rapid progress of technology has increased the supply of drinking
water
, making the role of authority less significant.
Submitted by mizuho on

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task achievement
Your task response is strong, as you address both sides of the argument and provide your opinion. However, try to further elaborate on your viewpoint to make it clearer how you partially agree with both sides.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Make sure to keep paragraphs distinct with one main idea each to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the situation in India and Kenya and the description of the 'Jyosui' system.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is effective, leading the reader through your arguments in a cohesive manner.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • limited resource
  • strictly control
  • government regulation
  • manage
  • allocate
  • responsibly
  • sustainable
  • water scarcity
  • water conservation
  • equitable distribution
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