IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #front #television #computer #screen #development #parents #limit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Childhood is irrefutably a very sensitive
time
 period for juveniles while it has become common for growing buds to waste their leisure
time
 watching stupid boxes as well as using a computer which results in hazardous for their growth. It is extremely crucial for parents to manage
this
 precious
time
. I completely agree with the above statement and the specific reasons will be discussed below. To commence with, the most conspicuous reason is the effect of the harmful rays of the screen on the eyes.
Children
 love to spend their quality
time
 watching cartoons and playing video games which result in weak eyesight as well as dark circles under the eyes. Meanwhile, they have to wear glasses at a very early age. It has a bad impact on health and causes issues
such
 as strain, back pain and headache etcetera. To exemplify it, some offsprings sit in front of screens all day and forget to even eat and do not go outside for leisure activities which leads to stress and bad nature.
Furthermore
, another reason is the loss of study.
Children
 do not like to do extra study after school as they only think of playing on the computer and watching television.
However
, they do not even complete homework which impacts academic results.
Children
 start learning at
this
 age and their performance can be improved if they will follow a better path.
Thus
, Parents should look after their all activities and make a strict schedule for them. To recapitulate it, there are manifold dangerous effects of overuse of computer games and television on
children
's growth. Parents need to guide their growing buds and decrease the usage of gadgets.
Submitted by harman1992narain on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: