IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

“Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree.

It is often argued that disease prevention measures should be prioritised over medical
research
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 and
treatment
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, which are often more expensive.
This
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 essay partly agrees with
this
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 statement. I believe that
research
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 on medication is just as important as preventive action. A key argument in favour of preventive measures is that they significantly lower the financial burden on national healthcare systems. Implementing preventative strategies,
such
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 as vaccination programmes and public
health
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campaigns
Punctuation problem
campaigns,
show examples
 is far more affordable than conducting medical
research
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 that requires advanced technology. Hungary,
for example
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, introduced a higher tax on prepackaged food high in sugar, fat, and salt as part of its campaign to improve public
health
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.
As a result
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, the policy has reduced the consumption of unhealthy food and lowered government spending on the
treatment
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 of chronic diseases.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 proactive prevention is valuable, it cannot completely eliminate the risk of illness. Many conditions, particularly genetic disorders and
life threatening
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life-threatening
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 conditions, still depend on medical
research
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 and
treatment
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 for effective management. Government investment in scientific innovation would extend patients’ life expectancy.
For instance
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, advances in antiretroviral medicine have allowed children born with HIV to survive well into adulthood, something that was impossible several decades ago.
For
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this
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 reason, continued
research
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 into diseases and
health
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 conditions remains essential to improve patient outcomes. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 proactive approaches to
health
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 can minimise long-term medical costs.
However
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, investing in advanced medical
research
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 must not be overlooked, since access to effective
treatment
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 is a fundamental human right.

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task response
Make your view clear in the intro and keep to it in the body.
development
Give more depth to each point and two clear examples for each idea.
coherence
Use more linking words to connect ideas so the text flows well.
evidence
Explain how numbers or facts back your claim.
language
Check word choice and shorten long sentences for easy read.
content
Clear overall view and balanced argument
example
Good use of real examples (Hungary etc.)
structure
Well-structured with an intro and conclusion
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