IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
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In some countries, the punishment for certain crimes is extremely severe. The convicted people might be penalized to be in jail for years. Some believe that they should be engaged in volunteering rather than just being kept locked up. I somewhat agree that getting them involved in
such
Linking Words
 tasks can be beneficial to them and society.
Firstly
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, it could assist them to overcome the horrifying memories of their past. In some places around the world,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jailed individuals are encouraged to join an outreach programme or work in libraries or teach poor children. Being engaged in
such
Linking Words
 tasks assists them to keep their minds controlled and keep them away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative thoughts.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can learn the importance of compassion and realize how wonderful it feels to contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
betterment
Add an article
the betterment
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 of mankind.
Moreover
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, they can put
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 becoming
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 and can make progress to get back to
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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 a normal life with that experience.
However
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, it might
also
Linking Words
 be risky to trust the detainees with
such
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 tasks. It is required to provide them with proper mental training.
For instance
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, anger management and
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
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 sessions should be conducted and it should be made sure that they are ready to face the world again.
Also
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, it's extremely
criucial
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
 to run a background check on them and so that they can be approached based on their terrible past and the intensity of
criminal
Correct pronoun usage
their criminal
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 record.
In other words
Linking Words
, it's extremely necessary to ensure the safety of individuals around them so that they do not become a threat to the people. In conclusion, it's a
marvelous
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marvellous
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 thought to motivate
such
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 folks to get involved in social work as that could help them out to forget the feeling of captivity and be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
Submitted by shatakshi117 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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