IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Universities should take the same number of man and women in each major. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement

#universities #man #women
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In some people's opinion , there should be the same quantity of men and women
students
 in each major of every university.
in
Capitalize word
In
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 my perspective, it would be more beneficial for universities and
students
 as well and I agree with
this
 statement. Many individuals believe that it has advantages if there are the same number of girls and boys at universities.
For example
, many things
such
 as rules, subjects and other
students
' items become equal among
students
 and teachers can easily control their behaviour without using any punishments. ,
Also
 there would not be any bullying among male and female
students
 as if the rates of one gender increase than another,there will be some arguments between
students
. So
this
 statement can be a solution for
such
 kinds of issues. On the other
side
Add a comma
side,
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 some other humans may argue about
this
 opinion , as they may prefer other kinds of studying
such
 as learning separately
according to
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
. By
such
 kind of studying everyone can get some profits but on the other ,hand it can be a disadvantage for their future life as they may lose communication skills with each other.
In addition
, some humans claim that the quantity of males and females is not important for university as the rates of their results of education
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the first priority. But it can create some problems as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mentioned above. In conclusion,
while
Correct word choice
apply
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people vary from each other
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their opinions. I think
this
 statement can bring some good effects for everyone and their universities at the same time.
Submitted by mallaboyevshoxbozbek77 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay has a clear response to the task, presenting your opinion and supporting it with relevant arguments. However, expanding on the opposing views and providing a more balanced discussion would strengthen your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a coherent structure and maintains a logical progression of ideas. However, pay attention to the introduction and conclusion, as they are not as strong and clear as they should be. Consider providing a more effective introduction and a more conclusive conclusion.
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