IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree of disagree

#money #lifestyle #illness #treatment #people
Arguably, it is commented whether
ruling
Correct article usage
the ruling
show examples
 power should use public funds sensitizing and mobilizing citizens
avert
Fix the infinitive
to avert
show examples
 sickness or it should
allocated
Change the verb form
allocate
be allocated
show examples
 the same
money
 to
individuals'cure
Correct your spelling
individuals cure
. Personally, I strongly agree with the view since it is worthy
preventing
Change preposition
of preventing
show examples
 rather than treating.
Although
cure
Add an article
a cure
show examples
 is less spending than prevention.
This
 essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand, Prevention glosses over severe
ilnesses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
.
In other words
, spending financial resources warning individuals has shown to be the efficient development to prevent chronic diseases
such
 as
diarrhea
Change the spelling
diarrhoea
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, malaria and
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
.
For instance
, if the world cabinet did not heavily disseminate protective measures to hinder the
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
 pandemic many people could have
been died
Change to the active voice
died
show examples
.
As a result
, more public
money
 could have been wasted
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 crowd treatment.
Furthermore
, it is the overriding reason for a shrunk number of
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
 pandemic deceased throughout the earth.
On the other hand
,
patients
Replace the word
patient
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 cure is less national
money
-consuming than averting. Because of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
availability of medical drugs across the earth healing folk into hospitals use
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
government resources.
For example
, solely in the
firts
Correct your spelling
first
 year of the actual
pandemic
Add a comma
,pandemic
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 each Africa nation allocated a billion to purchase masks, soaps, and alcohol.
However
, solely a quarter of
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 amount of
money
 was enough to care
those
Change preposition
for those
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 hospitalized.
Hence
, the spared
money
 should
be allocate
Change the verb form
be allocated
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in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 priorities like education, roads and security. In conclusion, notwithstanding some drawbacks result in more
invesment
Correct your spelling
investment
 to promote
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle. It avoids severe illness and medicinal internation , and especially it reduces
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 death toll.
Therefore
 I still strongly agree with the view. I recommend local authorities allot more crowd taxes in mobilization.
Submitted by vascomunguarepenete on

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