Some people say that it is the responsibility of individuals to save money for their own care after they retire. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #responsibility #individuals #money #care

An often-debated topic is whether it is the responsibility of others to financially

support

elderly

people

or individuals themselves should have saved money for their retirement. In my opinion, being a farsighted person is very crucial in

this

society.

However

, governments and other community members should

also

give a hand in

this

regard to elderly

people

. In the following paragraphs, I would justify my

support

this

regard. Back

then

it was a convention that the

last

-born son should stay with his family after marriage. He was responsible for the financial

support

of the family, and his wife was responsible for doing chores and taking care of other family members.

As a result

, nobody was concerned about their future. But the situation has been changing differently, and today, children become self-centred. They do not want to sacrifice their comfort for taking care of their parents. So, for

this

reason,

people

should be concerned about their forthcoming and try not to be dependent on others. Looking forward to financially help from governments

also

should not make a person close their eyes to the reality due to the fact that the situation and legislation of a country are always changing so no one knows what going to happen in the future.

On the other hand

, governments should invest more in practices that are helpful for the aged population. Some basic amenities could be free for them to make sure they could survive without any other income. We should not forget that elderly

people

were a fruitful tree for our society some days, and try to

support

them in all aspects to make their lives convenient. To conclude, considering a part of the income as saving for the future could be a rational step.

However

, the government

also

has its own responsibility regarded to

this

matter.

Submitted by behnaz.babayani on Sat Jan 08 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

303 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that it is the responsibility of individuals to save money for their own care after they retire. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

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More and more international companies are investing and locating their business in foreign country. What problems will local communities face with and what can be done ?

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