IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that people who physical work should be paid on par with the people who have high level degree. Do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that folk who do manual labour appear to put more of their energy into what they do.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 some view that
this
Linking Words
 population should collect the same amount of pay as business executives with university degrees, I completely disagree with the opinion because brain power and critical thinking generation demand can not be compared with ordinary physicality.
To begin
Linking Words
, productive critical thinking is
mental
Correct article usage
a mental
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tasking
Check wording
task rather
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 than ordinary physical strength, and
both
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can not be compared. To produce anything of quality that will stand the test of age
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will involve deep and inward searching.
For example
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, most of the bank executives who sit in their offices are constantly under the pressure of critical thinking to bring about
cutting edge
Use the right word
cutting-edge
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 innovations, so that the corporation will not go under. If they
should
Verb problem
apply
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fail to do so, there is no way they can compete with their competitors in the industry, and the consequence may be that the bank will fold up or be bought over by others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, to think profitably is day demanding and consuming, and not for a chicken-livered personality. There is no way the number of hours of deep brain searching and thinking can equate to the ordinary manual effort. To illustrate, most software engineers, who produce
soft wares
Use the right word
software
show examples
 that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 our performance faster and
Replace the word
easier
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easy
Punctuation problem
easy,
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 put in a great number of hours in "brain endeavour" before many of
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 produce these products that we use. If those
soft wares
Use the right word
software
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 are not produced, the productivity will be extremely low and burdensome to achieve.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that manual labour can not be compared with mental strength and
Correct article usage
the hour
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hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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demand
Replace the word
demanded
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 of which folk with university degrees put in their effort,
hence
Linking Words
 their pay should not be the same in any way.

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Task
Your view is clear. Add more strong facts or examples to back it up.
Coherence
Make the flow smooth. Use clear link words and start a new idea in a new paragraph.
Language
Keep grammar simple and fix common errors.
Development
Give a clear example for each point and explain why it supports your view.
Task
You show a clear view against the idea.
Content
You use examples like bank workers and code people.
Coherence
You do use some link words to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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