IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, only a few young people go to classical music concerts or play classical music. Why is this the case? Should young people be encouraged to attend those concerts and learn more about classical music?

#countries #people #music #concerts #case
Currently, there is a tendency in some nations that there is a small number of youngsters who are both
fond
Change to a plural noun
fonds
show examples
 of attending classical
music
concerts
 or
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
this
 classification of
music
.
This
 essay is dedicated to underlying roots and they should be emboldened to try more in
this
 fascinating field. Without a shadow of a doubt, the ever-growing acceleration in the
music
 industry is the main reason that causes only an insignificant proportion of the young nowadays who go to
concerts
 or play classical instruments. Apparently, there is a steady stream of trending melodies’ genres released day in and day out, which draw an appeal to young people for their versatility in depicting these days realities, things that classical do not. R&B songs of The Weeknd, which are on the top trending on Spotify can be cited as some promising examples.
Hence
, it is undeniable to note that the newness in the
music
 industry is the cause that lead to only a few youngsters
interested
Add a missing verb
being interested
show examples
 in classical
music
.
Although
 the reason why young citizens nowadays are having less tendency to go to old rhythmic
concerts
 or decide to play
this
 genre of
music
 is widely acknowledged, encouraging them to try in
this
 intriguing field plays a significant role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their well-being. Evidently, classical
music
concerts
 can help listeners to be more calm and patient.
Moreover
, people who pursue old
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
 instruments are more innovative and confident than others. Due to these redeeming features, it is reasonable to inspire youngsters to be excited about attending classical melody
concerts
 or
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 the newness in
music
Add an article
the music
show examples
 industry makes only a small number of the young go to classical
music
concerts
 or play old instruments, inspiring them to try on
this
 field can provide tremendous benefits for their well-being.
Submitted by hoctotnha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: