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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The Internet has definitely changed the world as we know it. It has connected people from around the world and made so many new forms of communication possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#internet #world #people #forms #communication
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In recent 20 years, technology development has
Add a missing verb
been influent
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influent
Replace the word
influential
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 all over the world, which brings many positive impacts in
people
Use synonyms
's
live
Replace the word
lives
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such
Linking Words
 as communications, remote conversations and online classes.
Therefore
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, I totally agree
Internet
Use synonyms
 has made
people
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 much easier to keep in touch than before.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 those changes
also
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 cause several potential problems.
First
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,
public
Add an article
the public
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 can connect WIFI or
internet
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 everywhere, and
work
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 with associates or customers in different time zone, which shorten communication distance and make
work
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 efficient.
Therefore
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, globalization businesses are thriving rapidly as well.
Second
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, the
internet
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also
Linking Words
 play an important role during the pandemic,
for example
Linking Words
, most companies changed their working style to remote
work
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, banks encouraged
people
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 to use online banks
instead
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 of visiting banks, students studied in online classes rather than going to schools, which make
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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live
Add the particle
tolive
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 keep going. The
last
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,
people
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 just need to make a phone call,
then
Linking Words
 they can see friends and family in one
second
Linking Words
. In the past,
people
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 used to send letters to connect with each other and deliver information, but now the
internet
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 has replaced it gradually. The
Internet
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also
Linking Words
 brings some negative influences, many adolescents are savvy at computers, digital devices and smartphones, some of them are addicted to the
internet
Use synonyms
 and online games, which cause shortsighted number raise up and serval physical problems
such
Linking Words
 as eyes diseases, shoulder pain, back pain, and mental diseases.
In addition
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, some digital native has social
work
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 problem, they are not willing to
work
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 with
people
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 in the real world, but they are active in the online world.
Accordingly
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, parents use app blockers to limit
internet
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 using time in order not to addict
internet
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, and encourage children to join outdoor activities as more as possible to improve addiction. I agree that the
Internet
Use synonyms
 makes lives more convenient, changes working styles in different industries, and help companies can keep doing business even
through
Change preposition
apply
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during pandemic. But we
also
Linking Words
 need to worry about negative impacts on
people
Use synonyms
's bodies, especially since many young adolescents
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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heavy users.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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