many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar,wihch causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #wihch #health #people

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Nowadays, there are many

health

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concerns regarding the

consumption

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of food and drinks containing high levels of

sugar

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, leading us to face various

health

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problems. The majority of

people

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believe that imposing higher taxes on

sugar

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or increasing its price would compel individuals and factories to use less

sugar

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. In

this

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essay, I will explain why I completely disagree with

this

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perspective.

To begin

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with, there is no doubt that

sugar

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usage is harmful to the majority of individuals and has a negative impact on their

health

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However

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, higher taxes or increased prices have only a short-term effect on decreasing usage.

Additionally

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, many workers are employed in factories that produce food or drinks containing

sugar

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. To offset the increased costs, companies might resort to unemployment, posing a disadvantage for both society and the government.

Furthermore

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on the other hand

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, there are numerous

people

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who love sweets, indicating that they are addicted. Changes in sweets' prices can have a detrimental effect on their mental well-being, leading to issues

such

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as depression. If the government aims to control

sugar

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consumption

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, it should raise awareness about the disadvantages of using

sugar

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and how it can threaten

health

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. In

this

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case,

people

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will manage their

consumption

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of sugary products.

Moreover

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, the government can encourage individuals to engage in physical activities,

such

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as joining a gym, to moderate their food and drink intake and help them avoid

health

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problems. In conclusion, changing prices is not the foremost way to control

sugar

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consumption

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; it is effective for a short time and can lead society to face job and mental

health

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problems. In my opinion, educating

people

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about the disadvantages of

sugar

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and encouraging them to engage in more physical activity is a better approach than relying on price increases.

Submitted by sinaazimifar on Mon Dec 18 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic and every sentence should contribute to the development of that topic. Consider using a more discernible structure with topic sentences that outline the main idea for each paragraph followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that reaffirms the paragraph's main idea.

coherence cohesion

There is limited use of cohesive devices. You need to use a wider range of discourse markers and linking words/phrases to help guide the reader through the argument and to link ideas within sentences and across paragraphs more effectively.

task achievement

The response partially addresses the question prompt but could better develop and support main points. Include more detailed explanations and relevant examples to extend arguments and illustrate points more fully. Providing specific evidence or scenarios can enhance the persuasiveness of the argument.

task achievement

Be sure to directly address the question prompt in both the introduction and conclusion to make your position clear. Use the conclusion to effectively summarize the main points made in the essay and to reiterate your stance on the issue.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar,wihch causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree?

The internet has become profoundly efficient and popular that people choose it as a platform to learn. Some believe that it would eventually replace the need for books. Do you agree or disagree?

In some societies, more and more people are deciding to live alone. Why do you think this is? Do the advantages of living alone outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, parents prefer to teach children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of homeschooling outweigh the disadvantages?

Some scientists think that there are intelligent life forms on other planets and messages should be sent to contact them. Other scientists think that this is a bad idea and would be dangerous. Discuss both view points and give your opinion.

Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion