many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar,wihch causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, there are many
health
concerns regarding the consumption
of food and drinks containing high levels of sugar
, leading us to face various health
problems. The majority of people
believe that imposing higher taxes on sugar
or increasing its price would compel individuals and factories to use less sugar
. In this
essay, I will explain why I completely disagree with this
perspective.
To begin
with, there is no doubt that sugar
usage is harmful to the majority of individuals and has a negative impact on their health
. However
, higher taxes or increased prices have only a short-term effect on decreasing usage. Additionally
, many workers are employed in factories that produce food or drinks containing sugar
. To offset the increased costs, companies might resort to unemployment, posing a disadvantage for both society and the government.
Furthermore
, on the other hand
, there are numerous people
who love sweets, indicating that they are addicted. Changes in sweets' prices can have a detrimental effect on their mental well-being, leading to issues such
as depression. If the government aims to control sugar
consumption
, it should raise awareness about the disadvantages of using sugar
and how it can threaten health
. In this
case, people
will manage their consumption
of sugary products.Moreover
, the government can encourage individuals to engage in physical activities, such
as joining a gym, to moderate their food and drink intake and help them avoid health
problems.
In conclusion, changing prices is not the foremost way to control sugar
consumption
; it is effective for a short time and can lead society to face job and mental health
problems. In my opinion, educating people
about the disadvantages of sugar
and encouraging them to engage in more physical activity is a better approach than relying on price increases.Submitted by sinaazimifar on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic and every sentence should contribute to the development of that topic. Consider using a more discernible structure with topic sentences that outline the main idea for each paragraph followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that reaffirms the paragraph's main idea.
coherence cohesion
There is limited use of cohesive devices. You need to use a wider range of discourse markers and linking words/phrases to help guide the reader through the argument and to link ideas within sentences and across paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
The response partially addresses the question prompt but could better develop and support main points. Include more detailed explanations and relevant examples to extend arguments and illustrate points more fully. Providing specific evidence or scenarios can enhance the persuasiveness of the argument.
task achievement
Be sure to directly address the question prompt in both the introduction and conclusion to make your position clear. Use the conclusion to effectively summarize the main points made in the essay and to reiterate your stance on the issue.
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