Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most time at home rather than going outdoors. Discuss the reasons, is this negative or positive development.

This
contemporary world is now occupied by mobile phones and other gadgets. Nowadays people don't find
time
to go outside because they have
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
more activities to do in their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
This
essay will
further
discuss both the perspective and
states
Correct subject-verb agreement
state
show examples
that staying at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
will be a positive or negative development. The reason
behind
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why people spend much of their
time
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
is
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological development. But
this
modern evolution makes us sit inside our homes which is not an appreciatable growth.
First,
before
this
modern era we used to spend our
time
playing some outdoor sports
such
as football, cricket etc. Now
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
totally changed and we are playing these games in the video without any physical activity.
For example
, children nowadays are prone to more diseases than a child who
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
a few decades before because of lifestyle changes.
Besides
, we may get what we need at our places like food, medicines, clothes etc and through
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
we can save our
time
and energy.
This
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sign of positive development because we can buy a new dress for any occasion in the middle of our work. So that we don't need to schedule a
time
and plan a visit to any store. Everything is
avalable
Correct your spelling
available
in just one click! ,
Eventually
Add a comma
Eventually,
show examples
there is no need to go outside.
To conclude
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
, staying at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
may cause stress and we should balance the lifestyle changes. People should at least do some outdoor activity like buying groceries. In my honest opinion if we pretend to stay at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
without doing any outdoor activities
then
surely it will
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
a negative impact on our lives.
Submitted by ssubhassltce on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks clarity and does not effectively introduce the main points of the essay. The conclusion is abrupt and does not effectively summarize the main arguments.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but there is a lack of clear and comprehensive ideas. Relevant examples are somewhat lacking, and the response does not fully address the prompt.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: