IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In the future, nobody wiil buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#future #nobody #wiil #newspapers #books
An increase in
popularity
Correct article usage
the popularity
show examples
 of new media has become a cause for concern for many people that it might have an adverse effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional media
such
 as newspapers and books to
be disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappear
show examples
in the future because they will be offered for free reading.
However
, in my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
 argument. The major reason is not every piece of content on the online platform
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 suitable for everyone. As in older ages people, there is a lack of ability to understand the new media
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for some people
that they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 haven't had persons who stand by
for assisting
Change preposition
to assist
show examples
 them.
Therefore
, tabloid or books will answer their lifestyles more because they wouldn't bother with the complexity of access to a website.
In addition
, those who are concerned about their eyes, much prefer physical papers, since those gadgets are produced by the high electricity of light which can be harmful to
humanities
Fix the agreement mistake
humanity
show examples
 if they consume them for many hours.
Moreover
, their values are different. The physical papers could provide them with a sense of belonging or particular emotions to a person. Generally speaking, there are many readers who buy a book because its cover is beautiful, or if they have worked as a news editor they might need to collect their work by buying newspapers.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical books or newspapers could remind them of something, so it might be someone who brought it to them, or it could be the reason why they choose to read it. For all of these reasons, there is no way online things will replace them. In conclusion,
although
 the online platform has a massive adverse
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 printed organizations it won't
be disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappear
show examples
 permanently
due to
 its value and contents.
Submitted by chdreamzase on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Be careful with your grammar and word choice. For example, replace 'disappeared permanently' with 'disappear permanently', and remove the unnecessary 'be' in 'to be disappeared'. In certain areas, the sentence structure is overly complex which makes the meaning unclear.
use of language
Ensure that you are using the correct terminology - 'new media' and 'online platform' are not synonymous and cannot be used interchangeably.
examples and supporting details
Try to provide specific, concrete examples to support your argument. Your current examples are rather abstract.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: