IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

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Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should fund some projects about preventing health problems because it is more crucial than treating
by
Change preposition
apply
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drugs. In my opinion, I totally agree that the fund of government should be allocated to the prevention of illness.
Nevertheless
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, both sides
along with
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 my perspectives linked to the topic will be outlined in the following paragraphs. There are various arguments in favour of treating patients by using medicine and treatment. The most important one is that they spend less time to cure in the medical process. It is undeniable that most people have unhealthy habits that
led
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to some diseases, including
obey
Correct your spelling
obesity
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, heart attack and countless other types of disease.
Consequently
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, if patients have some severe
symptom
Fix the agreement mistake
symptoms
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, they tend to be cured by doctors who
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 innovative technology
about
Change preposition
in
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 healthcare at hospitals.
For example
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, hardly any people do not like to have dessert, and by consuming too much sugar they have a chance to
be
Verb problem
have
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 diabetes, resulting in curing by doctors. There are,
however
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, a host of arguments supporting alleviating the root problem of energy. First and foremost, one significant counterargument is the sustainability of an individual's
overall
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 well-being. Without a doubt, the government should encourage almost all people to have a high level of fitness by focusing on selecting healthy food or exercising every day. Without sickness or illness, they tend to have a higher performance in their personal and professional lives.
Therefore
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 most healthy nations are more likely to give their hands to other unhealthy nations and have happy growth.
For instance
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, those who have a high fitness level can do many activities in their lives.
To sum up
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, even though there are many reasons supporting treatment and drugs, I am of the opinion that mitigating the root causes of health problems is more important. If families have healthy lives, it is more likely that the countries can move forward.

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coherence and cohesion
In the introduction, ensure to clearly state your opinion on whether the prevention of health problems is more important than treatment and medicine, and how government funding should reflect this.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs with a logical structure: introduction, body paragraphs with supporting arguments and examples, and a conclusion summarizing your main points.
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