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Writing Samples
Band 6

With the rise of smartphones and social media, people are spending less time interacting face-to-face. What effects does this phenomenon lead to? What solutions can be implemented to encourage more face-to-face interactions?

#rise #smartphones #media #people #time #effects #phenomenon #interactions
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Nowadays,
people
 are spending less time interacting face-to-face.
This
 may be caused by the rise of
smartphones
 and social
media
 which allows them to socialise without having to do it in person.
This
 essay will explore the significant effect of
this
 phenomenon and propose viable solutions. With the rise of using
smartphones
 and social
media
,
this
 can lead to both positive and negative effects on
people
. The positive effect is that it can expand networking from across the world.
This
 can be explained by the fact that plenty of
people
 gain relations through social
media
. It allows them to interact with
people
 with the same
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
However
,
this
also
 may lead to an addiction that makes
people
 forget about the real world.
As a result
, not a few
people
 who are addicted to
smartphones
 and social
media
 struggle to socialise and interact with other
people
 in real life since it is easier to do it online. To solve
this
 problem, one of the solutions is for the government to organise various events for its
people
according to
 their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 and hobbies.
This
 might help
people
 to increase their courage to interact in real life because they will meet others with the same
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
For instance
, the government could conduct an event for gamers so that the
people
 who love to spend their time behind the desk can meet up and share with other gamers as well. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 the rise of
smartphones
 and social
media
 users can lead to decreasing face-to-face interaction with
people
.
Therefore
, it is important for the government to provide a place for the
people
 to overcome their struggles through
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 or spaces so they can meet and build a community.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or statistical data to strengthen your arguments and make the essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While the structure is logical overall, make sure to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your arguments.
task achievement
You've effectively identified both positive and negative effects of the phenomenon and proposed a viable solution, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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