IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many products that we buy are made in other countries.Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion

#products #countries
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Some individuals commented that the overwhelming majority of commodities available are made in other countries. Personally, I believe it has more drawbacks than benefits since delaying to delivery of goods makes the recipient nation dependent.
Although
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, it has its advantages.
This
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 essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand, late products make the recipient folk hostage. Because of the complexity in the process of manufacturing, packaging, and delivering which delays making these commodities available on the supermarket shelves, it makes them dependent.
For instance
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, many African nations are still dependent on vaccines coming from industrialised nations so far owing to the fact that these immunisations are fabricated outward.
As a result
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, the economic growth shrunk and the local crowd
dies
Wrong verb form
died
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 waiting for the medicine to come abroad.
Furthermore
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, it is the prime reason for the escalated death toll
due to
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 the pandemic throughout the world. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, fabricating commodities inward of the country is public taxes-consuming.
In other words
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, manufacturing methods involve a huge amount of financial resources which overtakes purchasing from other lands since not every business has profits. 40% of tobacco producers worldwide reported 30- 40 %
of
Change preposition
apply
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annual losses
due to
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 the less productive methodology which is money-consuming and not profitable
for example
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.
Hence
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, it hinders the
communities
Fix the agreement mistake
community
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 progress
as well as
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 diminishes the revenues of the companies directly involved. In conclusion, notwithstanding some benefits the procedure has in the
country
Change noun form
country's
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 development, it makes the receiver land heavily dependent on external products.
Therefore
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, I still believe that it has more pitfalls than boons.
In addition
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, I warn the underprivileged regime to invest in factories in order to make goods available internally for
sake
Correct article usage
the sake
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 of providing
standard
Correct article usage
a standard
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 social life for the local
livings
Fix the agreement mistake
living
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.
Submitted by vascomunguarepenete on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic but lacks in-depth analysis and development of arguments. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction that introduces the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. Your introduction lacks a clear preview of the points to be discussed. Ensure each paragraph is well-structured with topic sentences and supporting details for better coherence and cohesion.
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