Parents often buy their children many toys. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children having a large number of toys?

In the
lasts
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,lasts

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two or three decades the way that parents
caring
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care

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and attention to
fulfill
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fulfilling

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their
children
needs
has
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have

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changed dramatically.
This
is due to the reason that in
this
playthings are
integral
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an integral

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part of every person childhood. There are both pros and cons to deciding to do
this
. In
this
essay,
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I'll

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i’ll
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I’ll

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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discuss some of the reasons why
children
are surrounded
with
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by

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several
kind
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kinds

The singular countable noun kind follows the quantifier several, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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of amusements and some of the adverse
impact
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impacts

The singular countable noun impact follows the quantifier some of, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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it
Correct pronoun usage
they

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can have while they are
raising
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raised

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. Let’s look at the advantages of
this
phenomena
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phenomenon

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. Kids spend
large
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a large

The noun phrase large and considerable proportion seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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and considerable proportion of their time
by
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apply

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playing with
toys
either alone or by making connections with their peers. by no means
its
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does its

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parents supply all their offspring needs which
toys
are part of them. A recent study by
Unisef
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Unicef

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over the past ten years have found that those people from young group age who have played with different types of
toys
as logo were twice as less likely to face stressful challenges later with others and have greatly developed range of skills.
in addition
through playing
for example
some girls try to play a role of a doctor and
wearing
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wear

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her dress,
thus
she can have better
imagination
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images

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of the occupation and do her efforts to have her dream
comes
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come

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true. Turning to the other side of the argument, buying
toys
for
children
could be harmful in many ways,
first
, as spending long hours
with
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apply

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playing involves seating still with no movements, it can
leads
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lead

The verb leads after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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to
sedentary
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a sedentary
the sedentary

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lifestyle that leads to health
issue
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issues

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e.g. obesity. If kids participate in more active games like soccer, they would benefit from exercising and promote their physical and mental health.
In addition
, when
children
’s demands are satisfied abruptly within seconds it can
has
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have

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detrimental
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a detrimental

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effect on their character as they become
spoil
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spoiled

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and assume that life should always get them what they want. All things considered, purchasing all kinds of
toys
for
children
would be simultaneously advantageous and disadvantageous which depends on several including the kind of
toys
and the amount of time spent on them.
Submitted by mary.zadegan on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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