IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Robots are now doing more for people at home and in the workplace. Is this a positive or a negative trend?

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Nowadays, an increasing number of tasks, ranging from domestic house chores to job-related workloads, are completed by automated
robots
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. At the same
time
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,
however
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, there is uncertainty whether
this
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 trend is advantageous or disadvantageous. In
this
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 essay, I will review both sides to seek a conclusion.
To begin
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 with, there is no doubt that domestic
robots
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,
such
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 as robot vacuum cleaners and robot lawn mowers, make people’s lives more convenient and enjoyable. To illustrate, dwellers no longer need to spend considerable
time
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 and energy cleaning and weeding, thereby having more spare
time
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 to unwind, accompany their children, and strengthen family connections.
Furthermore
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, industrial
robots
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 not only boost productivity efficiently but
also
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 promote the occupational health of human
laborers
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labourers
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 by taking over dangerous and repetitive workloads.
For example
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, Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company
utilizes
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utilises
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 automated
machines
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 to produce high-quality chips and has become the pioneer of chip-manufacturing corporations.
On the other hand
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, as automated
machines
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 execute most unwanted domestic loads, children may take a clean and tidy environment for granted. That means it eventually decreases their opportunities to develop problem-solving skills and a sense of responsibility.
Moreover
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, automation threatens the livelihood of blue-collar workers because
machines
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 can actively operate without taking a rest, which will ultimately take over human
laborers’
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labourers’
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 roles in mass production factories. To
summarize
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summarise
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, there is no doubt that both household
robots
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 and industrial automated
machines
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 bring convenience and safety to our daily life and work environment. At the same
time
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,
however
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, it
also
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 deprives young learners of educational opportunities and reduces workers’ job prospects. In the final analysis,
therefore
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, one can conclude that over-reliance on automation is a negative trend because of the threat to human livelihood, which is an existential factor for people of all ages.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the intro. You say you will look at both sides, but you do not show your own side until the end.
task response
Add one more clear example for the bad side. The good side has strong support, but the bad side is a bit general.
task response
Explain the link between robots at home and children more step by step, so the reader can follow the idea more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer long linking phrases like 'At the same time, however'. Simple links can make your flow more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are packed into very long sentences. Break them into two shorter parts for better control and easy reading.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph order is good, but the final sentence could match the question more directly by saying why the trend is overall negative.
task response
You answer the question fully and discuss both the good side and the bad side.
task response
Your final view is clear in the conclusion: you think this is a negative trend overall.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure: intro, good side, bad side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph stays on one main topic, so the reader can follow your ideas well.
task response
You use examples like robot cleaners and chip factories to support your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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