IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Parents should encourage children to spend less time on studying and more time on doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#parents #children #time #activities
Every parent thinks the best for their
children
. But sometimes they unintentionally overlook their youngster’s interest, so in my opinion
parents
 should consider
children
's opinion and give them the freedom to follow their passion.
However
, If a
child
 is more into studying and doing,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less physical
activity
then
 in that case
parents
 should motivate their
child
 for physical
activity
. First of all, I believe that good parenting is a crucial part of any
child
’s life. It should be done wisely and in a proper manner
then
 it is beneficial for both.
For example
, if a
child
 is spending more time studying
then
parents
 should come up with different ideas so that the
child
 will develop an interest in physical
activity
.
Such
 as, they can enrol their
child
 in a swimming class or football club.
This
 kind of
activity
 will definitely help that
child
 to grow their liking
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 outdoor pastimes.
Secondly
, only performing fun and games is not acceptable. Some students focus only on games and the majority of the time they invest in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
as a result
this
 highly impacts student academics. In
this
 ,case
parents
 need to explain to their kids the importance and the value of the study.
Moreover
, study educates
children
 in every possible way which helps them to be wise people. Having knowledge means they are capable of making decisions.
To conclude
, I totally agree that
parents
 should motivate
children
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the physical
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 if the
child
 is not going out and only into the study.
Like maintaining
Change preposition
Maintaining
show examples
 balance is mandatory in growing age.
In addition
, it sculpts the
children
 in an appropriate manner.
Submitted by sayali.shinge96 on

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task response
Develop your main points with more specific examples and details to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more coherently and make sure there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion in your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Development
  • Concentration
  • Obesity
  • Burnout
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Intellectual development
  • Structured activities
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Sedentary behavior
  • Tech addiction
  • Role models
  • Family bonds
What to do next:
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