IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Practice 2: Some people say that the government should spend more money taking care of elderly people while others think that government spending should be spent more on the education of young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#practice #people #government #money #care #education
Presently, with the advent of technology. We are seeing
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 rise in the life span of seniors in society.
This
 is in turn increasing, the population of
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 age population in the
community
 and simultaneously their expenses. Some critics believe, law enforcers should spend a higher
amount
 on educating the younger generation than on taking care of elders. In the below paragraph, we will discuss both sides and my balanced opinion.
Firstly
, senior citizens are the ones who have built
this
community
. They are the ones, who have paid taxes and ensured, society development is given priority. It is their vision and funds which have helped us to be ready for new challenges. In ,general they have paid tax, equal to 30% of their earnings.
Therefore
 it is our responsibility, to ensure they are treated well. And, we spend a good
amount
 on their wellbeing now.
On the other hand
, with changes in generation and requirements. It is of utmost priority we work on the development of younger ones in society since they form the pillars of culture and can overcome the new challenge in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. With the expansion of the internet, the entire world is becoming a smaller place, the needs of teenagers and adults have exponentially increased, compared to the past. In my opinion,
although
 authorities are spending enough
amount
. It is not sufficient to satisfy,
pensioner
Fix the agreement mistake
pensioners
show examples
 and future generations. The government should find a way to improve their funds and their spendings should boost twofold, compared to what they are doing now. To
expansd
Correct your spelling
expand
 deposits in the municipal accounts, law enforcement agencies should increase the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of fines for traffic rules, criminal offences and other activities. Which they can, in turn, spend on the well-being of youngsters and retired in the
community
.
Submitted by manju.645 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: