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Band 4

In some people’s houses there is not only one television in their home,with each family member even having their own TV.

#people’s #houses #television #home #member #tv
In some people’s
houses
Add a comma
,houses
show examples
 there is not only
one
television
 in their
home
,with each family member even having their own
TV
.
Firstly
,if there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more than
one
television
 even each family member
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 their own
TV
, that will cost a lot of money for family expenditure.
Familuy
Correct your spelling
Family
 could use
these money
Change the determiner
this money
show examples
 to do something more useful ,
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 buy some fitting machine or fruit to get more healthy . If there are some under eighteen young people, in
this
 family ,they might be decode to do not know self-control that makes them waste
time
 used to be doing homework and too many
television
 make family members do not spend
time
 together, sometimes it could lead to
member
Add an article
a member
show examples
 of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 not close with any
one
 of them.
For example
,when a child
watch
Change the verb form
watches
show examples
television
 programs all the
time
 when he
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
home
, he will be
strangeness
Replace the word
strange
show examples
 to his family.
Nevertheless
,
Lf
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 some families
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 more than
one
TV
 set per
home
, and children in
this
 family
also
 have self-control, they can still
having
Change the verb form
have
be having
show examples
 a good daily routine, not heavy expenditure for those families, It is a good thing to let people spend their tree
time
, course they can study some cooking new meal, watch variety
show
Change the form of the verb
shows
show examples
, talk show to relax. Study life
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 to improve themself. In conclusion, there are more disadvantages than advantages than realistic reasons, not more than
one
TV
 in the
home
 could bring move benefit for these family.
Submitted by myang on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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